How to live your life - three principles for every day. How to start living your life and turn off the autopilot What does it mean to live your life

According to WHO statistics, every year in the world 55 million people die. The causes of their death can be very different: heart attack, stroke, cancer, chronic diseases, infections, accidents, etc. At the same time, no one knows exactly how many people died from the so-called psychological death, the existence of which today no psychotherapist will deny.

Psychological death requires a more attentive attitude to the patient, since it is very difficult to understand the reasons why an outwardly healthy person lost interest in life and began to think: "I do not live, but I exist!". There are quite a lot of people who are subject to such thoughts these days, and each has his own reason for the psychological destruction of himself.

signs psychological death everyone knows - this is a loss of interest in life, goals in it, the appearance of despondency and boredom. A person subject to the processes of psychological destruction decides for himself that he has already done everything and that he no longer needs to strive for anything, and his further life will already consist only of monotonous and boring days. Lack of motivation, desire to live, strength and joy to perform a variety of things lead to the fact that a person begins to slowly fade away.

The life of such human can be described by a simple chain - woke up, ate, went to the store, returned to an empty apartment, watched TV or sat at the computer, went to bed. And so day after day ... He knows in advance that the next day, weekends and holidays will pass for him the same way as all other days - without emotions, vivid impressions and joyful feelings. Therefore, he no longer expects anything good from life.

Relatives, friends and acquaintances rarely communicate with him, confident that Is he Ok. After all, many live worse, but he has his own apartment or house, he does not complain about his health and lack of money. Yes, and he is a difficult conversationalist, so relatives and friends have long turned their backs on him, do not call him and do not invite him to visit. Do you think this kind of attitude upsets him?

Neither droplets He no longer needs anyone. A person who is in the mood for self-destruction is distinguished by indifference. He really does not care what is happening around him, how his relatives and friends live, why they forgot about him and do not call him. Psychological death turns a person out of life: if they ask him for something, he does it, they don’t ask, he doesn’t do it, he may call, or he may not call. He cannot force himself to do something useful, it is an ordeal for him to leave the house and go to the grocery store, cook dinner for himself or clean up the house. Everything seems useless and boring to him, he no longer needs anything.

On the for several years leading a reclusive lifestyle, a person gets used to walking with empty zombie eyes and for him it becomes the norm "not to live, but to exist." The further he plunges into psychological death, the worse its consequences can be - from physical illness to suicide ... He lives by inertia, doing nothing, as it turns out.

And everything would be fine if he did not worry about the meaninglessness of your life. Permanent memories of past life and worthlessness of the present deprives people subject to the processes of psychological death, peace, sleep and health, which accelerates their physical death. To prevent this, you need to forcibly pull yourself out of this state and come up with a new goal for yourself, which will leave no room for thoughts like: "I do not live, but I exist!".

The reasons for the development are schematically presented above.

Pull yourself out" swamps", created by ourselves for ourselves, it is quite possible - there would be only a desire. No one and nothing can change our life until we ourselves want it. Do not waste precious days of life on self-flagellation, despondency and self-blame. There is nothing more precious than life in the world! It would be foolish to leave it, leaving bad memories of yourself in children and loved ones.To solve the problem, you first need to recognize it.That is, if you do not recognize that your life is devoid of any meaning, then you will think that you have no problems you are not. Every person knows at least a little something. Even if it seems to you that you have already done everything you could in this life and you no longer need anything, try to start living, not existing.

To do this, try to find the edge where people live, not exist. Imagine how you would like to live today and begin to slowly strive towards this goal. Raise your bar and compare yourself to those who are older and weaker than you, but find ways to enjoy life. Take an example from them and start acting. For example, the famous actress Svetlana Svetlichnaya in the program "Alone with Everyone" to the presenter's question: "How many years have you not seen your grandchildren?" she answered with a smile: "For a long time, but I think they will grow up and understand that their grandmother loves them very much and will come to visit me themselves."

Despite his respectable age(77 years old) and a lonely life, Svetlichnaya still has a subtle sense of humor and self-irony, has not lost her charm and loves life. She does not impose herself on those who do not need her, she knows how to truly live and appreciates every day, she does not look for excuses for herself, but lives with what is given to her, adjusting to the blows of fate, overcoming them and getting more for her efforts, than many young people of working age.

Waiting for gratitude from relatives and friends, demanding help and attention from them is wrong. a way to maintain friendly relations with them. In the event that your children and grandchildren have stopped visiting you, just know that they are also people and, like everyone else, make mistakes, which means they deserve forgiveness. Each person decides for himself how to build relationships with people close to him. Do not make your demands on them, do not carry a "suitcase of claims" with you. Live your life and whatever happens...

To live, not to exist, you need every day work on yourself. As with your appearance, so with the inner world. Otherwise, on your deathbed, you will have to regret that you never tried something that could allow you to live, and not exist. Unfortunately, a person begins to appreciate everything that he has only when he loses it. So it is with life, before death, people regret that they did not value every day, despite all life's difficulties.

There are people who live not their own lives, but someone else's. Because they don't know how to live their lives. They are always interested: how is Masha, and what about Petya, and how are they with each other? - They bought new apartment. - Yah? And how much? Are they getting divorced? And why? What did they say and do to each other? Very interesting…

These people are ready to spend hours washing the bones of acquaintances and unfamiliar people with other unfamiliar or well-known people. They, as a rule, rarely rejoice at other people's successes and wealth, but often experience sincere inner satisfaction from the fact that something is not going well with someone. From the fact that someone was fired from work, his wife left someone, he (she) went bankrupt, or (especially she) is generally so-so from his face and cannot arrange his personal life in any way.

Of course, all sorts of sympathetic words are pronounced aloud at the same time - oh, he (she) is a poor thing, but how is it, but how can I help ... and all that. Of course, there is no thought of real help, although for the sake of appearances, of course, such a person can show up to another in a hospital ward with a couple of oranges and a bag of yogurt, in order to actually be glad in the soul how this poor fellow looks great in a hospital ward for six eight people, it is best, of course, that a crazy and dying grandmother walking under herself should still be right there somewhere nearby. Then a real balm is poured into the soul of such people, and they begin to feel involved and therefore satisfied.

This satisfaction, however, turns out to be false. Because as usual people of such a warehouse, as a rule, are empty. And their life is empty and petty. Wretched. Fussy. Largely unfinished. She is not even interested in them. Needless to say, they are most often not satisfied with their lives. And the more they are not satisfied with it, the more they climb into someone else's. Intervention, of course, does not go unnoticed. Because other people, in turn, often do not want to be poked around with their advice, lamentations and generally stupid opinions, which become all the more intrusive the less inclined the objects of such advice to listen to them.

People who are accustomed to living someone else's life are very vindictive and touchy. They do not like it when their intervention in someone else's life is rejected. They even try to take revenge on those who do so. And this revenge is all the more cruel, the more independently and detachedly the object of importunate "care" behaves. Over time, he can even turn into an enemy.

This, in fact, is all about the fact that last week almost the main topic of the Russian media (along with the war in the Middle East, which, for example, seems to be a very advantageous topic for television because of the picture), both electronic and printed, became the topic of a foreign - Ukrainian, so to speak, political crisis and the appointment of a certain twice convicted citizen Yanukovych as prime minister of a neighboring, but in general alien to us (it's time to get used to it) country.
In general, literally everyone told me about other people’s, Ukrainian squabbles in recent weeks: who betrayed whom, what is written in some kind of concocted on the sidelines of useless and meaningless paper with the automobile name “universal”. How they will be with the Russian language there (it turns out that everything is the same), what they think about NATO (it remains unclear), about the European Union (the same), the WTO (the same). I was forced to memorize their factions, parties and some surnames with names similar to ours, but for some reason beginning with the wrong letter (Oleksandr).

Even earlier, they told me with the same annoying detail how they have it there, in Ukraine (not “in”, but “on”, because, excuse me, I’m so used to saying “Paris” and not “Paris” , and not "Paris") everything is economically collapsing, and especially the order on the freeways is collapsing after the liquidation of the traffic police. Then they quieted down about the traffic police. Surely not everything turned out so bad?

With the same zeal, they constantly show me hurricanes and floods in foreign USA (almost in the same detail as they are shown in the USA itself), about demonstrations of protest against the insane, but alien regime of Saakashvili in Georgia. In general, Saakashvili is one of the headliners of the Russian press. It is as if in America every single day the average person was informed about the ups and downs of Peruvian or Liberian domestic politics. They are also trying to make me worry about the constant, severe, ongoing and ever-deepening crisis within the European Union, which is even more alien to us than Saakashvili. I have been hearing about Europe's insurmountable difficulties all my adult life, years since the early 70s. When will he, this EU, finally fall apart?

I am not even against such a wide international palette. Still, it's interesting to know what's going on in the world. But it is no less interesting to know what is actually happening in one's own country. I don’t mean the protocol filming of the beginning of a meeting of the government or the Security Council, when everyone first gets up, greeting, say, the president or prime minister, and then sits down, and he says an introductory word that says nothing to anyone: “Hello, we need to care more about the welfare of the people.” Or the same meetings of the head of the country with individual leaders, when they sit opposite each other at a small side table in the Kremlin and communicate on camera at the level senior group kindergarten(like “We need to make sure that everything is done well.” - “We will definitely follow up, Vladimir Vladimirovich, and we will do everything very well, we have a plan here, and it turns out that everything will be very good by 2008, and especially by 2010.” End of shooting).

Apart from the protocol, nothing seems to be discussed in the country. Nobody argues about anything. It does not offer to do something in a specific way, unlike a competing proposal that is also specific. As if nothing happens from what really gets (or, on the contrary, pleases) a simple man in the street every his philistine God's day. After all, he does not live every single day with the problems of the Ukrainian parliamentary coalition. And even terrible hurricanes in the United States do not particularly worry him, if suddenly he himself was not brought there to the epicenter.

These manners of not saying anything about the essence of what is happening have spread (in fact, they simply have not gone anywhere since the Soviet era) to all levels of government. She does not inform the average person about her actions and plans at all levels. In this sense, for example, the urban economy of Moscow or Nizhny Pereplyuisk is no more open than the “big league” games for big oil and gas money of some Sechin, Medvedev and Sobyanin.

Or do they really live the Ukrainian (Georgian, American, etc.) life so interestedly up there that we continue to not notice how we live our own down here?

Do you think that circumstances interfere with your life? You are not alone. We're so used to relying on autopilot that we don't try to take control. How to get rid of the victim syndrome? How to stop living a joyless life? Is it possible to make dreams come true? It's time to take the helm into your own hands. Then not circumstances, but you personally will begin to steer your destiny.

Who is the owner of your life

The master of life is the one who is aware of his desires, goals, deep values ​​and lives in accordance with them. He knows that everything he has now is the result of his own choices and decisions, and not external circumstances. The master of his destiny takes responsibility for his life and is aware of the consequences of his actions.

The master of his life is NOT: not a narcissistic egoist, not a misanthrope, not a misanthrope, not a victim of genotype, upbringing and place of birth. He lives in a self-created reality, but at the same time he respects other people's desires, knows how to coordinate his actions with those around him. And when he concedes in something, he does it of his own free will, and not under duress.

How to take control of your life

To feel like the master of your life means to tune in to the daily work of managing a complex and risky company - your destiny.

1. Understand that they let go of the steering wheel

Don't know what you want? Do you experience sadness and longing more often than joy? Blame someone else for all the failures? So the problem still exists. Sometimes you just need to be able to look at yourself from the outside. To determine how much you own the situation, a list of questions will help.

When describing the events of your life, you often use phrases:

• "I must (have to)";
• "I have no choice (output)";
• "I live for others";
• "It's not my fault";
• “I am not able to change anything”;
• "What else can I do"?

Are you constantly disrupting your plans because strangers interfere in your life?

Do you consider yourself a victim of circumstances, someone else's intent, a hostage of the situation, origin, environment?

Does it make you shudder to think that ten years from now life will be the same?

If you answer "yes" too often, you've really put on a victim costume. Victims are not in control of themselves, they are subject to others. But in fact, it is beneficial to be a victim: you are pitied, patronized, pampered. This is not easy to admit. Understand what benefits you get in this situation, you can proceed further.

2. Realize the benefits of being a victim

Many dream to steer their destiny only in words. In fact, they have a hundred blanks, excuses and scenarios for all occasions, if only this does not happen. Familiar?

• Adult children live with their parents for years, swear, but continue to live like this.
• The subordinate works for a meager salary, endures claims, but does not quit.
• The wife suffers from her husband's drunkenness, but does not divorce.
• The man has been planning to open his own business for years, but the economic situation in the country is not improving.

If you ask these people why they endure unpleasant situations (sometimes for decades), everyone will have their own logical explanation. On the one hand, they suffer. On the other hand, it is an advantageous position for justifying doing nothing. Shifting responsibility for one's own life is the position of the victim. And while there is a benefit - its own, small, foul-smelling, but native swamp, sucks in and protects at the same time. The reason is stability, in a relative, but comfort zone.

3. Get out of your comfort zone

Being in the comfort zone, we suffer, but we gradually adapt to unpleasant conditions. Over time, we adapt so much that we no longer want to leave our swamp. On this occasion, I would like to say: "the devil is not so terrible as he is painted." The consequences of leaving the comfort zone are not so terrible as we wind ourselves up. Sometimes an act, thought over and weighed for years, is accomplished with a meager amount of effort. As a result, I am ashamed of myself.

Until you start to control your life, others will control it. Yes, you may have to shrink, transfer to public transport, quarrel with someone, experience discomfort, feel misunderstanding or condemnation from others. But when you take the situation into your own hands, you will begin to understand your own and other people's lives well, get rid of stresses or learn how to cope with them. As a result, you will bring harmony to an orderly life.

When leaving the zone, there is another unpleasant, but important side. This permanent job above yourself: setting goals, achievements, failures and disappointments. So, when you begin to act according to your own plan, you will immediately have to part with illusions about yourself, your beloved.

4. Break up with illusions

Family resistance is a necessary part of your transformation. After all, before that you were such a “convenient” child, parent, employee, spouse. And now suddenly you start to rebel. The surrounding people are unlikely to endure it. They will convince, pressure, give advice, resent, insist, take with tears or illnesses (often fictitious), threaten and do anything to make you become the same. If you wait from the position of a victim, you will never accumulate strength.

The salvation of the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves. When we seek the approval of others, we fall into a psychological trap. It seems that we want to change, but we are waiting for permission from others. In the end, we do nothing, but again we find excuses. Without clear awareness own desires and targets to resist such a massive attack is very difficult, but real. Especially if you look at it as another test of strength.

The resistance of others is only half the battle. The role of the owner can sober up with a slap in the face and the understanding that:

• you earn little, not because education is outdated, the profession is low-money, the boss is a tyrant, but because you didn’t even lift a finger for this;
• relationships do not work out not because “all men are goats”, but “all women are bitches”, but because you subconsciously find manipulative partners and allow them to do this to you;
• the figure or appearance is far from ideal, not because the bone is wide, the genetics are like that or there is no money for expensive products, but because you treat your body lousy;
• others have a better car (house, dacha, vacation) not because they are the minions of fate, but because they paid their price for a high quality of life;
• children of friends are smarter, not because they are just smart, but because their parents took care of them and invested in education.

In order not to deviate from the path at the very beginning, it is worth remembering that the idea of ​​​​taking responsibility for your life is a transitional stage. Try and try again. Gradually, you will feel that you have changed and you will receive a real prize - living your own life, and not someone else's.

What is it like to live your life

Living your life means feeling like a little magician. This is to create your own world, take the situation into your own hands, learn to forgive, become more flexible and wise, change yourself, change your life and those around you.

To better understand how your inner changes will change your life, remember the design of the projector. You insert a vague picture in front of a light bulb, and on the wall you see a large full-fledged image. This will happen in your life too - one inner change will make the picture of life colorful and convex, full of details that you did not even think about.

It is not so easy to feel like the master of life. For some it takes years, for others the process is faster. The main thing is your desire and determination to walk this path consciously and cast aside all doubts and fears. But then you will find an amazing feeling of delight when you take control into your own hands and begin your life.

Since childhood, we are constantly under someone's influence. First, these are parents, teachers, then the boss, husband, colleagues, the media, etc. It seems that we ourselves are losing ourselves in this world, and there is a desire to understand how to learn how to live not for others, but for ourselves, to enjoy freedom and harmony with the world.

Why is it so hard to learn to live your life

If you have experienced the feeling of a wasted life, have thought about the meaning of your existence, then the first step in the right direction has already been taken. But in order to learn how to live differently, you need to understand what are the reasons for your dissatisfaction, what prevents you from enjoying life. There are a number of common reasons for many.

How to learn to live without getting bogged down in the daily routine?

• Dependence on others, the need to follow the rules set by someone that restrict your freedom.
• A sense of responsibility for one’s work, family, children, and often for a husband, order in the house, etc. This feeling, brought up in childhood, at some point becomes a heavy burden that puts pressure on the shoulders, makes it difficult to breathe.
• The constant workload of everyday affairs and domestic problems does not leave time for interesting meetings, exciting activities, just a break from everyone.
• The absence of a goal in life, that dream to which one would like to run, which would captivate and fill life with meaning.
• Envy of more successful, wealthy, free people. It poisons existence, causes a feeling of resentment when someone is happier than you.

Awareness of your individuality will allow you to free yourself from those chains with which you have entangled yourself.

How to learn to live your life

Each person is a unique individuality, a bright personality with his own abilities and talents, this applies to absolutely everyone - including those who are dissatisfied with their lives.

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We all want to live the life of our dreams, full of freedom and pleasure. However, at some point, a person agrees to a logical and realistic existence, which is spoken about by parents, those around him and the media. He begins to follow other people's settings, fulfilling the average life scenario, and not building his own, unique and interesting. It is never too late to change the course of events, the main thing is to want changes.

We are in website collected warning signs that you are not living your life, and recommendations on how to change it right now.

1. You feel like criticizing other people.

Are you annoyed by your former classmate who decided to change her profession and has already achieved great success without a specialized education? Or a friend who suddenly became a blogger and now constantly travels and is recognized on the streets?

Such irritation often hides envy, and envy is born from a sense of one's own unfulfillment and confusion. This does not necessarily mean that you yourself want to become a blogger or freelancer. There is a general annoyance that other people have found their way in life, achieved success and enjoy life. But for some reason you don't.

2. You are bored

Are you bored at work, are you bored surrounded by friends, boredom overcomes you even on vacation? Feeling bored is a sure sign that you are not reaching your full potential. You just haven't identified your interests and chosen your true path in life. And the interests of the people around you do not suit you, because of this you are bored with them.

3. The enthusiasm of those around you annoys or makes you sad.

On the unloved job sooner or later, your colleagues and boss will start to annoy you, you will not want to work in a team or complete tasks, and uninteresting friends will begin to cause aggression. After all, apathy and lack of interest in those around them are anger, suffering, excitement and longing due to the impossibility of realizing what was conceived or desired in life.

4. You feel like everything is going wrong.

There are periods when everything you undertake fails, expectations are not met and desires do not come true. However, if this period is prolonged, you need to think about it. Someone will call it a black stripe, but in reality this is a sign that it's time to change your life.

When a person begins to do what he sincerely loves, creates the life that brings him pleasure, everything goes easier. The right people appear, the plans are realized.

5. You prefer to follow the convoluted path to achieve success.

If, if you want to change your profession or move to another country, you are already starting to design a multi-stage and difficult path leading to the achievement of your goal in your thoughts - this is a sure sign that you are not living your life.

We believe that if you work hard, you can quickly achieve success. But if you are not doing exactly what you really love, it will be difficult to achieve your goals. If you work hard to please others and not yourself, you are not living your life.

If your work is uncreative and unenthusiastic, the results will always disappoint you. Focus on the work that brings you pleasure, then you have every chance to be happy and successful.

7. You feel like life is passing you by.

If you leave work with a sense of relief and freedom, expect the guests to return home as soon as possible and love being alone, it's time to change something. If there is a feeling that real life is happening where you are not, and you want to avoid acquaintances and friends, then you do not find meaning in what you are doing. It is necessary to listen to the feeling of discomfort and draw the right conclusions.

8. You don't want to take risks

When you live your life according to other people's rules, you try to stick to the safe options. Perhaps people have said that your dreams are difficult or impossible to achieve. But they also have their own interests and attitudes, and only you know what can really make you happy.

If you always choose the safe option when choosing education, profession, travel, and people around you, it can help you avoid pain, disappointment, and embarrassment, but you will never achieve true happiness and success. In the reality you will not be able to realize yourself as a person and achieve true success no risk.

9. Status and money are your main criteria for success

Money is necessary for life, and praise from colleagues and loved ones is important for self-esteem. However, for people who have chosen someone else's life scenario, formal achievements become the main thing.

Finding out that you are not living your life can be uncomfortable and scary. But it's never too late to find yourself and get back on track. Do not waste your precious time on a boring and uninteresting life.

• Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself the question: what can really fire you up and make you happy? What would you be doing right now if you weren't worried about money? Perhaps a frank answer will surprise you and turn life in the right direction.
• Often our lives are crammed with unnecessary and energy-consuming deeds and communication. Therefore, it makes sense to try gradually eliminate the most unpleasant and debilitating factors from your life. Stop communicating with an unpleasant acquaintance or find strength and no longer take extra work home.
• Try asking yourself what you want right now. For example, what do you really want to eat for dinner or what to do on a day off. Do you really want to go to the birthday party you're invited to, or are you doing it out of courtesy?
• Get familiar with family settings. Ask yourself: Am I pursuing a career in this field because I want to, or is this what my mom wanted? Do not leave decisions about your life in the hands of family or loved ones.