My life went downhill. When everything is bad and life is going downhill
“That definitely can’t happen to me. Everything will be fine and wonderful for me, ”until one day something happens that pushes us into the pit of life ...
Systemic vector psychology often considers apathy in situations when it comes to the sound vector. This is indeed a special conversation. But this does not mean at all that such states are typical only for sound engineers: the state “I don’t want anything” can appear in almost every person. Today we will talk about what to do if suddenly your life has gone downhill, if it seems that there is nothing more to desire and nothing more to strive for.
In childhood, each of us somehow imagines his future. Usually we see it in bright colors: I will grow up, finish school, university, do what I love, earn money, get married or get married, have children, and then grandchildren, become an old grandfather or old grandmother and die. In childhood, we certainly think about the future with the stereotypes of society. So it is accepted - it means that I will have it too. And, of course, many of us, looking at the troubles of others, think: “This definitely cannot happen to me. Everything will be fine and wonderful for me, ”until one day something happens that pushes us into the pit of life. We walked and walked up and suddenly find ourselves at the very bottom and, worst of all, stop floundering at all and strive for something in order to get out of this hole.
Apathy, says Systemic Vector Psychology, appears when we constantly do not get the satisfaction of our desires. They wanted to earn a lot, but over and over again they stuffed themselves with bumps: they did it, they did it, and nothing came of it. They dreamed of a family and children, but life decreed that there were completely “not those” women who cheated, abandoned, and did not want to get married at all. They dreamed, aspired, did, but nothing came of it.
Systemic vector psychology in examples
At school, Alina always studied very well. She was a kind and sociable person. Like many girls, she had her own dreams and desires. Alina dreamed of becoming a programmer: she felt that this specialty was created just for her. The end of school was nearing. And this meant that her dream - to enroll in computer science - was about to come true.
But fate decreed otherwise. When they applied to the university, Alina did not go to the budget: all the places went to beneficiaries. It's a shame, annoyed, but the girl was in no hurry to become limp: it didn't work out here, so we'll try to go in a roundabout way. And this path was found - the university had a new specialty "Physicist-informatics", where the curriculum largely coincided with "Informatics". Physics is physics - and Alina successfully entered this specialty.
However, I didn’t have to rejoice for a long time ... You know, almost every, probably, faculty has such a professor who scares newcomers: the smartest, most strict, most difficult, most demanding, the one who brings down the exams and the one who quits universities . Alina was unlucky: at the first-year exams, she got just such a teacher: a luminary of physics who believes that only God knows physics better than him, so students should also know physics perfectly.
Alina did not really like physics: more precisely, she did not understand. In the exam with the famous scary professor, she failed miserably. And then she chose to leave the institute, but if only she would never meet this type again.
From that moment on, everything began to fall apart. I tried to re-enter another university and study again - I quit again. I wanted to get a job, but nothing came of it either. As a result, the girl sat down at home in front of the computer, began to drink, got a job for a penny in a simple place. Dreams, dreams, where is your sweetness? Alina, with so many desires and ambitions, has changed beyond recognition in a short period of time: she has grown fat, has become lazy, works at half strength, and drinks to the point of insanity on weekends. Steals money from home and lies. Relatives and friends who want to help her, does not perceive at all. Where are the desires? Where are the aspirations? Everything is gone...
Systemic vector psychology in examples: comments
What happened to Alina? Systemic vector psychology claims that the direction of our desires is set, first of all, by the lower vectors. Our heroine, apparently, has a skin-anal ligament, like many people of our time. The anal vector, on the one hand, sets the desire to study hard, to try, to bring what has been started to the end. On the other hand, the skin vector gives ambition, the desire to work and earn.
At the beginning of the story, we see a completely successful person who is just starting his journey. But we also see that all attempts to do something and even one iota to move towards the desired result end in failure.
People with an anal vector, as Systemic Vector Psychology shows, are hostages of the first experience. They often fixate on negative states. The professor failed in the exam - now it seems that they will fail everywhere and everywhere. On the other hand, for every person with an anal vector, it is very important to bring everything to the point, to its logical conclusion. When the anal is unable to do this, he experiences terrible discomfort: up to superstress.
Systemic vector psychology draws attention to the fact that very often, when vectors are not developed harmoniously in people with an anal-cutaneous ligament, certain problems begin. Systemic vector psychology says that by their nature, the anal and skin vectors are opposite to each other: they have opposite properties. And if, with proper development, these two vectors complement each other, then with improper development, one can interfere with the other. It is these people who are unable to bring anything to the end: they take on one thing, another, a third and throw it halfway.
Our heroine had a certain desire, a dream - whatever you want to call it, but due to the underdevelopment of the properties of vectors, she could not achieve what she wanted. Over and over again, she filled herself with bumps, sinking deeper and deeper from her failures into bad states. I can’t study, they don’t take me where I want to work ... all hopes and dreams gradually begin to crumble. Systemic vector psychology emphasizes that apathy, as a state, is characteristic only for an adult. Children have not yet formed the psyche and everything happens a little differently. In adulthood, we do not get the fulfillment of our desires, we fill bumps over and over again and, in the end, in order to cope with the psychological burden, the brain finds a way out: in order not to suffer, you just need to not want anything. As a result, our hands instantly drop: we don’t want anything else from this life.
And when you don’t want anything, then there is nowhere to move: lie down and die. House, computer, alcohol… nothing else is needed. Laziness appears, which Systemic Vector Psychology defines as a manifestation of the energy of mortido - the energy of decay, the desire for the extinction of vital activity, immobility. In people with an anal vector, laziness is often the result of resentment towards the world: the world is unfair, so I will lie on the couch and do nothing. Laziness is followed by apathy. Relatives with their desire to help and get you out of a bad state seem to be some kind of annoying flies. Why is it all? I just don't want anything anymore, I don't need anything.
Systemic vector psychology: fighting apathy
How can you help such a person? How to make him want to live, move, achieve goals again? How to bring him out of apathy? The answer is given by Systemic Vector Psychology.
One must firmly understand oneself: apathy will not disappear by itself. If she has come, then it is in vain to wait for a year or two to pass and the person will suddenly awaken to life. Will not wake up if nothing in his world changes. To get out of apathy, you need to start desiring something again. But how to awaken desires in yourself?
It will not work to bring a person out of apathy without his desire. Under a lying stone, as they say, water does not go. Especially if the impetus for apathy was the numerous pokes received from life, and resentment against the world. Pulling a person, trying to inspire him to exploits, reasoning with him with arguments or conversations will also fail. He just won't hear you. He himself must overcome apathy. After all, this is a real struggle: to live and move despite the complete absence of desires, not to spare yourself and your strengths. Systemic vector psychology shows that the states of the psyche in vectors are easily explainable and natural, so if you realize yourself, the nature of your negative states, it will become obvious what to do in order to return to life again. A person, realizing himself, finds this path himself, because. this path is individual for each specific case.
If there were a magic wand, the wave of which suddenly awakens the desire for life, it would have been put into practice long ago. So far, in my experience, only Systemic Vector Psychology has successfully dealt with such difficult conditions. It is enough to watch video reviews of living people who have completed the training and achieved certain results. But many of them coped with very difficult conditions.
If you want to help your relative cope with apathy, it seems to me that there is no better way than to introduce him to Systemic Vector Psychology: let him read articles on topics of interest on the portal, attend free lectures, ask them your question, or maybe take a full course training! I think this is the fastest and most efficient way.
We live because our desires live in us. Desire is the main driver of a person that makes us get up from the sofas and go to great things. After all, we all live on the principle of receiving pleasure, and pleasure comes only when we satisfy our shortcomings. If there is no desire, then there is no need to get up. No desire, no life. And apathy is, first of all, a rejection of life. Then you have to look for pleasure in other ways - to seize, drink, and so on.
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»When life went downhill what to do and why it happened?
Let's start with the second part of the question.
Until you take responsibility, alas, there is nothing to talk about further, but even more so to fix it.
If something on the outside is not the way you want, then the reason is in your thinking, in your feelings and in your choice of action or inaction. And not that someone is to blame for something and did the wrong thing, and now you feel bad.
Yes, we are used to reacting, not being the cause. We have been focused on this since childhood.
That is, something happens outside and we either rejoice or suffer, in general we react to external stimuli.
We even associate our state of happiness with our loved ones, with the presence of something or someone. What is there to talk about?
Until you get out of this illusion, you can't change anything.
The human brain is so lazy that it selects a set of response patterns ahead of time and automatically forces you to live in them.
Moreover, it is purple, these are reactions and patterns of suffering or happiness. There is no coloring for it.
Since a person really chooses how to react and what to think before then, then the energy costs will be incredible.
From here, the brain throws up stereotyped reactions to us, which are reinforced by past experiences and films, fairy tales, culture and other rubbish.
And all the bad things happen when everything falls out of hand, when a person reaches a certain point and completely leaves reality in such an automatic perception of reality and a reaction to it.
Let me explain:
When your interlocutor is not totally present in communication with you, but flies somewhere in his plans and dreams, you can always feel and see this.
It is unrealistic to have a dialogue with him and do something, you yourself do not need this - right?
Yes, he is with you in body, but roughly speaking with brains and soul in other dimensions.
We ourselves treat our lives the same way, and hence we have so many problems.
If a life went downhill, then this only means that you have not been aware for a long time and do not choose your life (do not conduct a dialogue with it). But you just react like Pavlov's dog to external stimuli.
You don't have to go far:
When everything is bad, it’s hard to force yourself to think roughly, it’s hard to think otherwise.
Meditation at the hour of time, when you have turned gray, dreamed - this is a good thing, but useless in general.
Since the rest of the 23 hours a day you draw Armageddon in your brain and look for moves on how to adapt to it with less losses, and not how NOT to live in it at all.
It turns out a step forward (planning, dreams, meditations), and a thousand back.
From here, the speed of problems is gaining momentum.
What to do?
On the contrary, allow the brain to panic exaggeratedly per day for an hour. Thus, to recognize the problems (it is important to be able to see them), and not close your eyes, going into the dumbest positive psychology, thinking that crocodiles do not exist.
Since while you whine and whine, the lump of troubles will grow and slide downhill, as a result, it attracts more and sculpts problems.
Of course it won't stop.
Only you can stop and change the state of affairs.
Choose different thoughts.
Feel them.
And actions will be easy if you have done all the steps correctly before.
And through willpower, without taking the first two steps, everything will go with a creak, break and crunch along the way, periodically covering you with either total laziness or illness. Do you need it?
Laziness and the brain's need for automatism and rest are much stronger than artificial Wishlist, visualizations and your social needs.
Think about it.
He will "make you" if you do not use him according to his own laws.
Information about how our machine works between the ears is full on our website with you - study and implement.
Something went wrong, and you feel that your life is not a fairy tale that you imagined as a child. So what's the reason? Answer yourself honestly to the questions presented, summarize and find out the reason why everything is wrong.
1. How do you spend your leisure time?
If it is TV, meaningless, “slobbery” series, online games that “gut” your wallet and do not bring any benefit ... The list can be continued for a very long time, but the fact is that this is a useless pastime that does not make sense and benefit.
Walks in the city, forest, park or a trip to nature, outdoor games, with children and friends, that's what is useful! After all, “sticking” into a TV set or computer, you fence yourself off from everyone, and quietly “survive” in your little world. The choice is yours.
2. Like to whine and complain?
With what mood do you meet the new day? What do you think? “Oh no, damn work, I’m already tired of it ...” or “Great, new day! Today I will succeed, I will succeed!”. Feel the difference? How do you treat your employees and loved ones? Do you speak well of them in communication with other people, or do you condemn and gossip? Are you satisfied with what you have to be happy?
If you understand that everything is not so rosy, then stop planting negativity in your head. Try not to say "nasty things" about yourself and the people around you, strive to see the good side and notice the positive moments, trying to increase their number in your life.
3. Do you take a couple of steps towards self-development every day?
Our mind is like a bright and beautiful library that needs care and visitors (thoughts), and the absence of both makes it an old junk full of spiders and cockroaches.
Daily "brain" loads will make you an interesting conversationalist and expand your horizons and interest in life. Read, write, compose, go to trainings and courses. Always replenish your knowledge base, and you will become an interesting person for yourself and other people.
4. Do you believe in yourself?
If you constantly tell yourself that you are not worthy of something or that today is not the right day for victory and, in general, you are a loser in life, then you can lie down and die right away. Faith in yourself brings success. Negative thoughts give rise to “fruits”, which then have to be eaten with tears.
Think well, praise yourself for any achievements, believe in yourself and do not wait for approval from the outside. Indeed, most often, waiting for this very “approval”, we do not dare to do what we want, perhaps it would be right, but it’s too late. Remember, your life is a responsibility only for you, any actions committed to please someone will not bring you happiness.
5. Do you have a plan?
Phrases like: “you need to live here and now” or “take everything from life!” are so popular that no one thinks about their meaning. Homeless Vasily also wanted to “live now!” and took everything from life. A loan and a bunch of debts, rested, and when he returned, he was left without a home and without money.
It is clear that we are all human and we want to live, not exist. It's not that you can't be spontaneous and throw yourself "in all serious ways", break away as you should and calm your soul. The main thing is to take care of the future. A well-planned "life" plan changes everything, and you know that you will get "candy" for your efforts.
More reasons why your world is going downhill
6. Are you a shopaholic? Love to buy all sorts of knick-knacks?
Just think how much money you spent "in the hole." After all, an enterprising person will not squander on unnecessary things, and will save money to buy the desired and long-awaited. Think about how much you could save by not buying junk you don't need and throwing it away anyway. Think about it.
7. Do you go to bed on time?
A person who is constantly experiencing a lack of sleep can be seen from afar. This is a gray, lethargic, nervous "creature", with a constant loss of attention and interest in life. If you recognize yourself, then it's time to start a normal life, and stop torturing yourself! Otherwise, it will not bring anything good, except for health problems.
8. Do you love your body?
If your body disgusts you, or maybe you are embarrassed by it, then ask yourself the question “why”? Answer honestly and conclude that it is time to change. Get started, to a healthy life, eat right, play sports to look perfect. Finally start that very “new” day that you often think about at night. Love yourself, then you will be loved and respected.
9. Is your life monotonous?
Many people manage to live according to the principle “home - work - home”, but are they happy? Are you satisfied with this state of affairs? If not, then it's time to change this rhythm and set a new pace. Bring variety into your life and feel the wind of change that is so fresh and light!
Learn to relax, to give relaxation, because you can burn out, like an old light bulb that is never turned off. Go to events, take time out for walks with family and friends. Or maybe you haven’t been to a disco for “a hundred years”? The soul asks, but the mind does not allow. Why then torment the soul? Grab your spouse, friends and go enjoy the vacation you've been dreaming about for a long time. There is nothing wrong with that you want to relax.
10. Everyone around you owes and owes?
Remember, if you live by this principle, you will not find happiness. After all, the constant resentment that comes from your side poisons everything and everyone around you. You are building a wall that you yourself can no longer jump over. And let's try to answer for yourself and your problems. Then there will be fewer guilty ones and it will be easier for you to understand how to unravel the “tangle” that you yourself have confused.
Do not be upset if you recognize yourself in at least one of the above points. This is an occasion to bring new colors to life! Change the colors of life as you like. After all, you are an artist, and you can draw for yourself the fate that you dream of!
At 24, I had a lot. I graduated from the university with honors, I had an interesting job, the post of editor-in-chief, friends, it was going to the wedding. The work was arguing, everything worked out and the most difficult tasks were nothing. (I will say right away, I am not a greenhouse plant, and I know what problems are, what a difficult life is and how to get out of it all).
But then my life went downhill for no apparent reason. I lost everything - my job, my health, my friends, my fiancé, and, worst of all, my understanding.
For five years I have been fighting like a fish on ice, and already my relatives look at me as inadequate, because everything that I don’t take on burns out.
Out of the blue, I quarreled with everyone with whom I could. Here's to a man with all my heart, you give the last shirt - and he responds with a knife in the back. And so it is with everyone. And it's scary.
Okay, I would show aggression, climb into someone else's territory. But it's not in my nature. Well, I can not pass by, do not help. And I always get it. Yes, it seems strange, but it is what it is.
Well, it didn't happen before. I have always been able to negotiate with the most difficult people, but here I am really scared to leave the house, I am already afraid of people.
Many simply turned away from me, and nothing can be done about it.
Finding a job is next to impossible for me. I take on what I started at the age of 20 - the most difficult and low-paid job - just not to sit idle, just to earn something. But no. Either they don’t pay money, or they kick you off - they say, we won’t be able to pay you much - the minimum (and my experience turned out to be useless to anyone, then they just put the patient out the door without any warning (this despite the fact that I did all the work even when I was sick, remotely, no one suffered from this), then a colleague who is good for a grandmother will substitute ...
The most difficult projects I bring to mind, and then I find myself out the door. And I don’t even dream of official employment.
Constant stress has led to the fact that every organ hurts in me. And there is simply no money for a doctor. There is no one to borrow from, asking relatives is not an option, because I am from a poor family. How can relatives help, and I have nothing more to count on.
I was left completely alone with my problems, and everything - from a showdown with a flooded neighbor from above to how to bring a kilogram of potatoes, I have to decide myself.
I have very few relatives, and they are far away.
And sometimes such terrible thoughts in my head that there is simply nowhere to run from them.
The more I pray, the worse it gets. It feels like God just turned away. Every time my faith just breaks, no matter how fervently I believe.
For five years I have been crying day after day, but so far I have not been able to shout to God. I think, okay, well, it didn’t work the first time, it will come out the tenth. But no. Well, okay, from the twentieth - also not. And the forces are already running out.
And I pray for enemies, and I revised my life, and as far as circumstances allow I go to church, and I try to live like a human being, and help people as much as I can - all in vain ((Will I stop doing this? No, although I know what it’s all for I'll rake, it's scary...
And now I’m sitting like a woman over a broken trough, and I understand that at 30 I have nothing - no family, no job, no seniority, no money, no health, no friends. Everything burned down. And the worst thing is that I don’t feel God in my life, no matter how hard I try.
I'm tired of listening to the standard phrases "everything is done for the better," "a cross is not given beyond one's strength," "rejoice in what is." It is not therapy, and not even an analgesic. On the contrary, it kills me the most.
The chances that something will change are one in a million. I no longer believe in anything. Perhaps I've gone crazy? Maybe I'm really inadequate?
I understand that I need to live on, I need to somehow get out of this cocoon, but I have the impression that I was crushed by a stone block. And I'm just sitting on the ashes and I don't know what to do. And lately I've been thinking that it would be better if I didn't exist, that my life is some kind of mistake.
I'd be very grateful if someone could give me some advice...
Thank you. God bless you.
Support the site:
Aya, age: 30 / 25.11.2015
Responses:
Hello! Honey, it's somehow strange that you have just had a black streak for so many years ... Maybe you don't notice something good that is in your life? After all, everything global is built from small things. Try to smile more often, look at everything more optimistically, easier, it didn’t work out today, wave your hand - it will work out tomorrow, it will certainly work out!
You are doing a great job - and you are out the door ... This is what unreliable employers do. Try to get a job in an organization with registration, even if the position is not chic, but usually in budgetary organizations there are many chances to climb the career ladder. Find friends on normal dating sites, better than Orthodox ones, maybe you will meet your other half too. Contact a psychologist, share your problems, you may need expert advice. Hold on, honey! God bless you!
Irina, age: 27/25.11.2015
Hello! Is it okay if I use "you"?
There is such a state in life when you think, analyze everything that happens to you, and in your head there is just a kaleidoscope of thoughts. These thoughts overcome from all sides, are replaced by one another, as if crushing. And, most importantly, these thoughts are important for every person (thoughts about the family, about relationships with other people, about work, about whether I do everything the right way or not). And from the fact that thoughts are important and vital, it becomes even more difficult. You just don't know what to do first.
Try to calm down first, do not torment yourself with stress. Get up in the morning, smile (even if you don’t feel like it), drink tea with mint or lemon balm. And try to put your thoughts in order, let go of past failures, develop a plan of priority actions regarding work, for example (can draw on paper in the form of a diagram). The main thing is to gain strength and calm down.
You are a young, kind, educated girl, ahead is the heyday of life, and you are now talking about a "broken trough". Be sure to believe in the best, and do not judge the people around you strictly.
Live in the present moment, think that you are alive, healthy, your relatives are alive and well, and we will overcome difficulties :)
Angelina, age: 11/23/2015
Calm down my girl ... You need to start first of all with your physical health, and after treating your nerves, it's like a chain reaction - physical illnesses lead to psychological ones, and vice versa. But you need to start with physical health, as it will give you strength for something change, do something, and earn money. I know that giving advice is not doing it, but it is difficult for all of us to a greater or lesser extent, we all have our own difficulties. You have a prolonged depression, and you need to get out of it. Be sure to communicate with those who are relatives, by phone, or in any other way, they should not be indifferent to your problems, but not too often and not intrusively, otherwise you will push them away. Despondency is a terrible enemy, it always comes back, and every time you need to beat it in yourself. Force yourself to eat more at the same time, three times a day, just for God's sake do not eat different rubbish like Fastfood. Be sure to sleep - at least 7 - 8 hours a day, and on weekends sleep as much as your body requires. .. And finally, I beg you, don't break so early, fight...
Alexander, age: 30 / 25.11.2015
You know, you need to help only then and to those who are really ready to accept your help. What should be done now? The first is health. If it had been really bad, they would have been taken to the hospital a long time ago. You go - it means you can fix everything. Three types of exercises per day: squats (100 times), start with as much as you can, push-ups (you can from the windowsill, 30 times), start according to your strength and pump the press. This will bring back your physical strength. Spiritually, keep going to church. Job. To begin with, at least as a cleaning lady, but officially and with social services. package. You can try through the Department of Employment. In order not to be offended, try a part-time job as a freelancer via the Internet. You can write texts, it is felt in the presentation of your story. Don't despair, all is not lost. The world needs such kind and wonderful people like you. God help!
Maria, age: 50 / 11/26/2015
Good afternoon. Go for a run, and calms the nerves and restores physical health. And you don’t need a job, you have to open your own business, and you will succeed. And if you have a need to take care of someone, adopt a child from an orphanage. This is a great help, he will help you and you will help him. Thus, there will be a family and an incentive to strive for something and live and achieve. Orphans really need love and give it with interest.
Natalia V, age: 39 / 26.11.2015
Cute girl..
We are almost the same age.. I understand you very well.
It was the same in my life: an excellent education with a red diploma, then several foreign companies, a good salary, a French fiancé .. And then everything fell apart, a crisis of adolescence began, a reassessment of my whole life. I realized that I was going in the wrong direction.
I can advise you not just to go to the service and pray, but be sure to confess and take communion. Start the morning with the morning prayer according to the prayer book or the prayer of the Optina Elders.
And this video is an example of how people's lives change thanks to prayer!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBJl5fcLFcU&list=PL45WAfsiS8jKwFd77bRVGPUTDDXlQa7eG&index=10
Alice, age: 32 / 26.11.2015
Hello Aya! I will not repeat all the sensible advice that good visitors to our forum have already given you, I will especially touch on only a few points - if the local therapist finds an organic cause of the disease, then he will send it to a commission, where they will determine the degree of your disability and will be able to count on the disability group together with all the necessary benefits, such as: a monthly pension, free travel on city and suburban transport, plus free drug provision and all kinds of subsidies and tax deductions. However, I dare to note that disability is not a sentence and you can continue to work wherever you want, without limiting yourself in choosing vacancies at all. Difficulties can arise only after contacting a psychiatrist-psychotherapist, in which case you will have to say goodbye to obtaining a driver's license and a weapon license, as well as to those specialties that require a certificate from the above-mentioned doctor to work. But do you really need a lekvry from this still very little-studied and delicate field of healing human souls? After all, all your pressing problems are quite simple to solve! Firstly, you can try your hand at one of the popular copywriting exchanges, IMHO they should not deceive there. And a decent young man and true friends can be found on an Orthodox dating site with wonderful detailed profiles - ABC of Fidelity www.azbyka.ru/znakomstva/
Finally, one more piece of advice: avoid communicating with mercantile people and everything will be fine with you !!! The main thing is not to catch this spiritual illness from others and rely on your own strength, if you don’t want to become financially dependent on a man who is far from always an ideal and a stone wall, and no lawyer will ever give you 100% guarantees and insurance against all troubles, besides, the material security of the spouse is not yet a guarantee of his trustworthiness.
You can consult with an Orthodox psychologist via the Internet absolutely free and anonymously on the Prichal website.
Hello. I am 26 years old, no education. My life is heading for the abyss. I lose willpower and interest in life.
Recently, a girl with whom I was together for 12 years left. I love her very much. They started dating at the age of 14 and almost without breaks. I wanted to start a family with her, have children.
Our town is Russian, but the country speaks Lithuanian. We are both Russians, we studied in the same Russian school. I'm not a stupid guy, but I didn't get on with the Lithuanian language from the 1st grade. In the first grade, the teacher insulted me and called me stupid and humiliated me in every way, because I could not understand the Lithuanian language. After that, I became closed and timid, I generally stopped understanding all subjects, but after the 1st grade I was transferred to another school with a very good teacher who tried to get me up to the 5th grade and she succeeded. But with Lithuanian, I still had a stupor. Although there was also a foreign language German, I started learning it from the 4th grade and understood it well, a year later I began to speak it like my native language. Everything else got better and better. By the end of school (we have 12 classes), my classmates spoke the state (Lithuanian) fluently, since it is necessary for entering universities, and I couldn’t do anything at all, although I understood that I couldn’t do without it. But due to the fact that I had good marks in other subjects, I managed to enter the university as a mechanical engineer. I studied for a year, I missed a lot because I didn’t want to go there, because it was difficult for me to write down in Lithuanian, that nothing was clear. I was expelled and I immediately submitted a new application with my girlfriend (she is a year younger than me, so the second time they entered together) for admission and entered aviation engineering, on a semi-paid basis. They took me, I didn’t have any problems in the exact sciences, I grasp everything quite well, but where I had to write and there was Lithuanian grammar, everything was hell for me. But I sometimes copied, so that at least the teacher could understand what I was writing about. We studied in the capital, but lived separately. She's in a hostel, I rented a room. The girl told me that I needed to learn Lithuanian, but I brushed it off, although I knew what I needed. I was expecting someone to kick or help from her, but she told me that she tried to somehow force me and prosla and began to communicate with me in Lithuanian, nothing came of it and she said that I had a very difficult character. As a result, I flew out of the university, after a year and a half I sat at home and could not do anything and tell my parents too, they left for another country to earn money for my studies and provide for me. Although from the very beginning I wanted to earn money and study on my own, my parents categorically forbade me and made scandals for me if I started looking for a job. As a result, after I flew out, I just sat at home, every time I waited for my girlfriend in my hometown for the weekend, we took a walk, but all our friends began to disappear. I understand because of me that she gave me a lot of time. I closed myself in and all the days before the arrival of my girlfriend, I watched movies, played computer games, in short, I hammered my head so as not to think about the problem that I had dropped out of the university, I had no job, I was very afraid to tell my parents.
But then I finished the welder's course, I had acquaintances, but I never made any friends.
And the old ones don’t care about me, everyone already has families and their own affairs, and no one cared about me, except for my girlfriend.
As a result, I began to look for a job in the capital, but they took me only with work experience. There was nothing useful. I lived in a hostel with a girl.
She graduated from the bachelor's degree and entered the university for a master's degree, and I remained without education.
She went out with her classmates, but I was kind of superfluous.
As a result, I went to another country to my parents, to work and try to realize myself, I have been abroad for less than a year, but I came to the girl for the holidays, I saw each other 4 times in 8 months, every week.
I work, but I get mine, but at least I can afford something.
And now, before the girl was supposed to defend the deployment, she had stress and we had a fight over some little thing, and it so happened that we didn’t communicate for 2 weeks. I didn't want to distract her and annoy her before the defense.
Then she defended, she got a very good job, her very good friend came to her and they walked, drank and reveled, but she didn’t even remember me. I wrote to her, congratulated her and decided to chat. To which I heard that she no longer wants a relationship with me, 12 years is a lot and it all needs to be stopped, that this cannot continue. But we had plans that she would come to me and we would start life here in another country. She still wants to move in, but to her friend. She began to walk around clubs and hang out in different places, she puts all her pictures on the social network so that I can see it all.
Thus, she shows how good she is without me and that she is very cool now, and I am the one who always supported her, cared when there were difficult situations in her life, with her parents, when we lived in my apartment, in our hometown, when I made all the conditions for her to study at the university, she became unnecessary. She fought with me for 4 years, that she is cool and all so independent and turned my masculine nature into a woman, when there were litters, I was hysterical like a woman.
In short, I invested so much labor of love and everything else in her, but in the end they told me so far and now she is still trying to finish off by the fact that she is independent and beautiful, she puts everything on the Internet so that she knows that after a week of separation she is already walking in full, that they say I was a hindrance to her.
Why so with me? I am reliable, I never betrayed her, she was always happy with me, and now I get only slaps from her.
My world is destroyed, the only one whom I trusted, loved, told me so far. For what?
What will we do?
As I was 4 years in depression, and remained.
And now I don't know how to live at all.
I feel like something. I was betrayed, used and thrown out. I am alone, without purpose and faith in people.
I haven’t written much yet, there are no specifics. But that's all I can now, my head is a mess. My heart is bleeding. Soul whines. Cats scratch.
There are no friends. With parents to say this, you can immediately go to the coffin. It is impossible with them, I grew up on my own and educated myself. They have a bunch of psychological disorders, they are worse than children.
Now I distract myself after work with all sorts of videos and rubbish, so as not to feel the world around me, this wild pain. Most of the money goes to pay for their own apartment in their country.
What do i do? Help, so you want to live happy? And not to think that if you disappear now, then you were born in vain, because no one cares about me!
I lie to everyone around me. I have a lot of lies. I tell you something that was not there, but I really want to. I lie about my education that I have completed my studies and will soon receive a diploma.
In fact, I'm not stupid, but there is no willpower at all. I can't do what I need to do. I don't remember where it started. Maybe because I didn't graduate from university. When I take on a task, I can’t bring it to the end, I don’t have enough strength, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to.
Now in a country where they speak English. I speak English very badly. Finding friends is not realistic.
How to get on your feet, how to get rid of your psychological problems?
How to become a man? Want to be a good man? Reliable, necessary, strong spirit.
I'm still a coward. I seem confident from the outside and very strong, so to speak, with a core inside and not physically destrofic. But in the distance I will be blown away because of any problem. The last fight was 15 years ago. But 6 years ago I was beaten by a gopnik in front of my girlfriend. Although I am not a nurse and started to fight back, I was knocked out due to the surprise of the attack. Often a girl drove me to a state of madness to see what kind of rampage I was. Of course, my strength is not measured, but I don’t understand why it was necessary to do this. But I never beat the girl and did not cause physical pain.