When life falls apart What to do when life falls apart What to do when everything falls apart

When everything falls apart

Human life is full of surprises, both good and bad!

However, today I would like to touch on those life moments that radically affect people. Personal tragedies, breaks and losses.

To do this, let's imagine for a moment the life of some imaginary person and add to his fate something that God forbid each of us will experience!

So, a child was born, let's say a girl. The first day at school, school days, vacations, first love, graduated from school and entered the institute ...

Seems like a normal part of life. Let's not get distracted by "minor difficulties".

And now let's see who (as a person) became to 30-35 years old our imaginary person!?

That's right, nothing "military" is listed here, a person has gone through a fairly normal life until now, with the exception of children!

But why do we focus on this particular period? Yes, because the regularity of life with such a fairly long period of time (by the age of 30-35) already carries a danger!

Do not consider me a pessimist or a provocateur, just further I will specifically begin to change the life of our heroine dramatically and deplorably for her. And all because you can not pretend that this does not happen!

… Another 3 years have passed. And then something happens that some may think "well, this is life."

Our heroine is abandoned by a loved one and leaves forever ....

We will even close our eyes to the fact that suddenly this could not happen. Suppose that our heroine was "blind" and did not notice when her family broke down.

Do you think it will be easy for her mentally to survive?

I will say more, even if you drop love and leave only a feeling of affection - it will be a real tragedy. And if she also loved her husband, then the WHOLE WORLD will simply collapse around her!

She will not be able to: concentrate on work, enjoy the sun, communicate with friends, even think normally, and it will be difficult.

That's not all. It will be terribly difficult to fall asleep at night. And even having forgotten in a dream, she will wake up in the morning and feel as if a heavy pillar of sadness is falling on her chest. And grief (precisely grief) will overwhelm her with renewed vigor, like something dark and burning from the inside, will devour her, not allowing her to live normally. A sea of ​​tears and complete apathy for everything around are inevitable.

Terrible? Unfortunately yes! There are very few people who can avoid all this if they find themselves in a similar situation.

And the first reason here is a sudden betrayal which brought down all the inner and holy pillars. A person will never think that his measured and calm life can end overnight! And when it comes - the world around collapses!

The second reason- this is the hidden danger that a long and measured period of life brings! The fact is that the depth and pain from the possible collapse of the usual way of life is proportional to the duration of this period. In other words, the longer, the harder it is to forget and change everything!

And we do not even touch the material way of life. Only the inner state of our heroine!

Here is one example for you, which in an instant can completely change a person! And the worst thing is to change irrevocably. Believe me, there are fates much worse than the one we just presented! And do not look for hints here, I just could not touch this topic.

Well, now, I will not change myself and I will give one effective advice to those who (I hope that there are none) found themselves in a similar situation. And it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. Betrayal and collapse hits everyone equally.

So. If the world suddenly collapses , if you cannot believe that you were betrayed by a loved one, and if this shock situation occurred to you, then DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RETURN EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY!

Tears, requests, calls - all this is useless! Except as aggravation of a situation and additional pain it will not bring.

You need to remove this inner feeling of horror and the future mental picture “what will happen next?”.

And this is how it is done. No need to persuade yourself, they say you are a strong person and everything that is not done is for the better. That's bullshit! It won't help!

On the contrary, imagine that exactly in a month, your loved one will return to you! Moreover, you need to imagine that neither he nor you are to blame for what happened!

I understand: anger, love, hatred, sentimentality - all this will fill your consciousness in turn. So try to drive yourself away negative thoughts and emotions, and leave only positive!

Draw yourself situations in all details, as in a month or two, you two WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN AND ALREADY FOREVER!

I know what I am saying! Exactly so and not otherwise! Your consciousness is already traumatized, so it is very important here GIVE IT WHAT IT LOST - measured, even in dreams!

This is not self-deception! With the proper attitude, it will be exactly the way you draw your future inside yourself!

Second. No need to think in a moment of grief whether you can forgive and accept back or not. THIS IS YOU DECIDE AFTER! Now the most important thing is your state of mind! Remember this!

Constantly imagine that everything is about to get better! Give yourself a specific deadline: in a month, three, six months, a year - but he (s) EVERYTHING WILL RETURN TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY!

Third. Burn comedy series to DVD. Let them be primitive, the main thing is the result. And this is your laugh or smile! Watch them for hours on end!

All in all, Your goal is to soften the blow to self-awareness! Everything else - then! How long it will take you also should not worry.

Thoughts will still return to reality, and here it is necessary to show will. Convince yourself that your loved one just left for a couple of months.

I emphasize! This advice suitable only for those who really experience mental anguish in a similar situation!

May nothing like what is written above happen to you!

And let this information remain for you a regular article on the Internet!

83 comments on "When Everything Falls Down"

Sapyong Mipham with devotion, love and gratitude

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

© 1997 by Pema Chodron

Afterword to the 20th Anniversary Edition © 2016 by Pema Chodron

Published under agreement with Shambala Publications,

Inc with the assistance of the Alexander Korzhenevsky Agency (Russia)

© Melikhova A.A., translation into Russian, 2018

© Design. Eksmo Publishing LLC, 2018

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Introduction

In 1995, I went on an extended vacation. I did nothing for a whole year. It was the most inspiring period in my life and it was very helpful for my spiritual development. In fact, all I did was relax. I read a lot, walked and slept. I cooked and ate, meditated and wrote. I had no schedule, no tasks, no “must do things.” I learned a lot for myself during this period filled with freedom. I very slowly sorted through two boxes of unedited lecture notes I gave from 1987 to 1994. They did not have a cohesive theme, unlike the Datong lectures that formed the basis of The Wisdom of Refusing to Flee. ("The Wisdom of No Escape") or lectures on Lojong that made up the book "Start Right Now" ("Start Where You Are"). From time to time I looked through several transcripts. The material was heterogeneous: something seemed too abstruse, something - delicious. I felt both interest and embarrassment as I reread my words. Gradually, I noticed that no matter what topic I chose for a lecture, what country I was in at that moment or what year it happened, I talked endlessly about the same thing: about the incredible importance maitri(loving kindness towards oneself) and awakening a fearless compassionate attitude towards one's own pain and the pain of others. It seemed to me that in every lecture I asserted: we can step into unfamiliar territory and relax, accepting the uncertainty of our situation. Another important theme that I kept coming back to was the dissolution of dual perception, moving away from the division into “us” and “them”, “this” and “that”, “bad” and “good”. My teacher Chogyam Trungpa said it this way: "Lean on sharp corners." I realized that all these seven years I was just trying to absorb and pass on to others the important and bold advice that Trungpa Rinpoche gave to his students.

About six months later, my editor, Emily Hilburn Sell, asked if I had lecture notes that could form the basis of a third book. I sent her boxes of the records I had. She read the transcripts and, elated, told Shambhala Publications, "We're going to have another book."

For the next six months, Emily worked with the material: selected, deleted, rules. And I worked on each next chapter for my own pleasure. I completely immersed myself in these lectures, taking breaks only to look at the ocean or walk in the hills. One day Rinpoche gave me advice: "Relax and write." Years later, I was finally able to use it.

This book is the result of my doing nothing for a year and collaborating with Emily.

May this book inspire you to take your first steps toward finding harmony, and take these teachings about honesty, kindness, and courage to heart. If your life is chaotic and full of stress, you will find a lot in this book. useful tips. If you are suffering from loss or anxiety, then these teachings are for you. Their main point is that we all need to remember the importance of being able to accept everything that arises and turn everything we encounter into a path to enlightenment.

By putting these teachings into practice, we join a long line of teachers and students who have used the dharma, or the teachings of the Buddha, to deal with the ups and downs of daily life. We, like them before, are able to make friends with our ego and discover the original wisdom in ourselves.

I thank Vidyadhara, Venerable Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, for devoting his life to the dharma and so readily conveying its essence to Westerners. May the inspiration I have received embrace you as well. May we, like him, take the path of the bodhisattva and always remember his words: "Chaos is very good news."

Pema Chodron,

Gampo Monastery, Pleasant Bay, Nova Scotia, 1996

Chapter 1
Getting intimate with fear

Fear arises as a natural reaction when we approach the truth.

Spiritual quest can be likened to traveling in a fragile boat across the ocean in the hope of discovering uncharted lands. With sincere practice comes inspiration, but sooner or later we also face fear. After all, we only know that, having reached the horizon, we will find ourselves at the edge of the world. Like all pioneers, we are drawn to find out what awaits us there, but we are not sure that we will have the courage to face it face to face.

If we are interested in Buddhism and we decide to find out what it has to offer us, then we will soon find out that there are different approaches to practice. When choosing insight meditation, we begin with mindfulness, with being fully aware of all our actions and words. In Zen practice, we receive teachings on voidness and try to connect with open, boundless clarity of mind. The Vajrayana teachings teach us how to work with the energies of any situation, perceiving everything that arises as enlightened energy. Any of these approaches can be used, but if we want to go deeper and practice without hesitation, we will inevitably encounter fear at some point.

Fear is familiar to every being. Even a tiny insect is afraid. When we put our hands in the water next to soft, open sea anemones, they close. This is the spontaneous reaction of all beings. It is perfectly normal that we feel fear when we are faced with the unknown. Fear is a part of life, it is inherent in all beings. This is our reaction to the possibility of loneliness, death or lack of support in life. Fear arises as a natural reaction when we approach the truth.

If we decide to be here and now, our life will sparkle with new colors.

During one of the long retreats, I had an insight: we cannot be in the present and be distracted by our thoughts at the same time! I know it seems obvious, but when you discover it for yourself, your life will change. Impermanence manifests itself especially clearly in the present moment. The same goes for compassion, amazement, and courage. And fear. In fact, anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, completely immersed in the present and devoid of a reference point, experiences a kind of state of weightlessness. At this point, our understanding deepens, we discover that being in the present moment is a rather vulnerable state and that it can be both frightening and gentle at the same time.

When we go on a spiritual journey, we carry with us a baggage of all kinds of ideas and expectations. We are looking for answers, wanting to satisfy the hunger that we have been experiencing for a very long time. But the last thing we would like is to get to know our inner demons even closer. Of course, people are trying to warn us. I remember the first time I received instructions on meditation, the woman explaining the practice to me said, "Please don't think that meditation will save you from irritation." But all the warnings of the world are not able to convince us. They rather push us on the path.

It's about getting to know fear, getting to know it better, looking it straight in the eye. We do this not to solve our problems, but to learn to see, hear, taste and smell, think in a completely new way. But once we start, we will always be forced to show humility. We will have no reason for the arrogance that arises when we follow some ideals. Our willingness to take the next step will cut it off. The discoveries we make through practice have nothing to do with believing in anything. Rather, they have to do with the willingness to die, the willingness to die all the time.

Both the mindfulness instructions and the teachings on emptiness or energy work say the same thing: being in the present moment nailed us to the point in time and space where we are. When we stop and take no action, then we meet our heart. As one of my students eloquently said, “Buddha nature camouflages itself with fear and kicks us into being open and receptive.”

Once I was at a lecture where the host was talking about his spiritual experience gained in the 1960s in India. This man was determined to get rid of his negative emotions. He fought anger and lust, laziness and pride. But most of all he wanted to get rid of fear. His meditation teacher kept repeating to this man, “Stop fighting,” but for him, these words were just another way of explaining how to overcome obstacles.

Eventually the teacher sent him to meditate in a tiny hut at the foot of the mountains. The man closed the door and began to practice, and when it got dark, he lit three small candles. Around midnight, he heard a sound in the corner of the room and in the semi-darkness he saw a huge snake. He thought it was a king cobra. She was right in front of him, swaying from side to side. The man stayed up all night, never taking his eyes off the snake. He was paralyzed with fear. At that moment, only the snake, himself and his fear existed.

Shortly before dawn, the last candle burned out, and this man began to cry. He wept not from despair, but from tenderness. He felt the aspirations of all animals and people on earth: he understood their loneliness and their struggle. His whole meditation was nothing but separation and struggle. He truly, wholeheartedly accepted that he was angry, jealous, resisted, fought and was afraid.

When we stop and take no action, then we meet our heart.

He also realized his immeasurable worth - he was wise and stupid, rich and poor, and completely incomprehensible. And he was filled with gratitude. In complete darkness, he stood up, walked over to the snake and bowed. And then he fell asleep on the floor. When he woke up, the snake was gone. He never knew if she was a figment of his imagination or really existed, but that didn't seem to matter anymore. As he said at the end of the lecture, such a close acquaintance with fear eliminated all his personal inner dramas, and he opened himself to the outside world.

No one ever tells us, "Stop running from your fears!" It is extremely rare for us to hear advice to get closer to our fear, to get to know it, just to be with it. I once asked Zen Kobun Master Chino Roshi what his relationship with fear was, and he replied, "I agree with him, I just agree." But usually we are advised to sweeten it, to smooth it, to drink medicine or distract ourselves, to do everything so that it disappears.

There is no special need for such advice, because running away from fear is our natural reaction. At the slightest hint of fear, we lose our temper. We feel it approaching and run away. It is good if we realize this and do not blame ourselves, but develop unconditional compassion. The saddest thing about all this is how we deprive ourselves of the present moment.

Sometimes, however, fear drives us into a corner; everything is collapsing, and we are looking for ways to escape. At such moments, even the most profound spiritual truths seem to us rather straightforward and banal. There is nowhere to run. We see it as clearly as everyone else. But sooner or later we realize that although we cannot turn fear into something pleasant, it will nevertheless help us to realize all the teachings that we have ever heard or read,

So the next time you face fear, consider yourself lucky, He is the source of courage, We usually think that courageous people are those who do not feel fear. But the truth is that the brave are those who are in close relationships with fear,

My first husband once told me that I was one of the bravest people in his life. When I asked why he thinks so, he replied: although I am terribly fearful, I still go and do what is necessary, no matter how scared I am.

Even when we find out that things are not as we imagined, it is important to keep exploring and not run for our lives. We will face this again and again. Nothing will ever be the way we think. This applies to both awareness and fear. Compassion is not what we thought. Love. Buddha nature. Courage. It's only symbol what we cannot comprehend with the mind, but which each of us has experienced. These words indicate what life becomes when we allow the usual order of things to break and remain chained to the present moment.

Here is an interesting letter: " Hello Olga! My personal life has completely fallen apart. The soul is empty and it is unrealistic to even think about any love.
I loved my husband very much, I did not demand anything in return (as you write), I only gave everything I could, and I could move mountains.
Do you know what the result is after 16 years of marriage?
We live like neighbors, we are all in debt, we always have no money, we don’t go anywhere, we’ve only been on vacation once, we don’t have the owner at home, we’re not accustomed, and we don’t want to and are too lazy to do it, we sleep in different rooms, we haven’t had close relationships for several years , and he cares about all this.
And what now, how to live and what to believe?
And I just hate him - this is the result of my selfless love. Sincerely, Galina.
__________________________
Answer: Galina, hello! You touched on a very important issue: giving love and sacrifice. At first glance, there is a payoff in both cases. In fact, the difference is huge!
Giving love implies freedom! Inner freedom.
You can give from an excess, or you can give from a lack of love, as if in advance.
Often we treat another expecting reciprocity, we believe that a person will understand, appreciate and return back what he received! True love never ends in hate.
But dependence, attachment, when passion subsides, when the conflict of desires and a sense of duty escalates, often turns into negative experiences.

The most frequent question for me is: “I gave him all of myself, and in return he ... nothing!”- this reproach towards the man suggests that the woman has lost herself in family relationships! The most important thing is forgotten - we are in relationships in order to develop! You can't make someone else happy and still be unhappy. It doesn’t happen like that - “playing with one goal”, this is a mistake - giving all of yourself without a trace, you raise the other in your own, and in his eyes too!
Forgetting about yourself as a woman, and at the same time “disinterestedly” loving a man, in fact, means that another person becomes the meaning of life.
They put him on the “throne”, they literally serve him - they serve coffee, wash their feet ... But, in return, they expect generous gifts from him, or at least mercy ...
Even if they don’t talk about it out loud, then, all the same, they are waiting!
This is reminiscent of giving alms with the thought that a certain sin atoned for, with the expectation that now you will be rewarded for your generosity ... Not a very honest act, is it?
By his “good” deeds with a share of sober calculation, believing that someday he will appreciate and understand, putting another person in some kind of dependence on such an “advance of kindness” and at the same time noting to himself, somewhere in his mind - a plus, and to him - a minus , imperceptibly gaining superiority, we leave him only humiliation, without suspecting it!
Let him see how kind and attentive, generous and caring I am!
But then, where does the discontent come from, why does irritation and the expectation of the return of kindness grow, when your kindness has become a habit, insults and reproaches suddenly arise?
Think about why they say: "The road to hell is paved with self-sacrifice!", Is it because no one needs such sacrifices!

Any most grateful in response to you will say to your lamentations: - “But I didn’t ask you about this!”

It is hard to imagine a good relationship, where there is no balance of giving and receiving, not pulling the blanket, but a mutual union of equal partners! Such relationships will be harmonious.
Some women refer to the fact that they have dissolved in their husband, he is their idol and they are ready to serve him forever - faithfully.
Then do not complain, do not be offended and do not reproach your partner for the youth and feelings you have wasted.
To demand nothing at all in return is also a form of sacrifice. It is important for a woman to be able to ask, but not through tears and suffering, but through her feminine uniqueness and wisdom.
As wise people say: “He won’t understand for good, for bad - you certainly won’t force!”
Learn to ask like a woman, and not demand by force, through reproaches and threats, ultimatums - if you don’t do it right now, then I’ll leave and so on ...
There are many ways to get the desired result - negotiations, communication experience, constant interaction with a partner and, of course, mutual respect. But just do not need a scandal and tearful scenes with reproaches ...

When one in the family does absolutely everything, it sometimes happens that the other does not even realize that they want something from him or look forward to when he finally guesses and understands! ...

If, however, to be more attentive and sensitive to the world around you, to notice what is happening and draw conclusions, then you can change your life for the better!
If, however, let everything that happens by the will of the waves take its course, then you will have to understand that we have what we deserve.
No one is to blame that everything is very bad ...
No one needs to give all of themselves ... This is how responsibility for one's own life is removed. Nobody needs to be addicted. The words sound strange: “I can’t live without him!”
I would like to hear “I don’t want to live without him”, but what is it - I can’t, unless the conversation is about disability, the helplessness of a loved one !?
Putting another in dependence on oneself, it is easy to fall into a terrible situation, zombification, attachment to another person. This is slavery, not harmony in relationships with a partner.
Another option for a relationship is to go through life together, but not lose yourself in the process. Keep a reasonable distance.
But for this option you need to have inner freedom and courage. Understanding the “We” state, we are together because we are growing.
If relationships are devoid of growth, like a plant closed from the sun and water, without attention and care, such relationships die, like all living things.

If there is no relationship, why be there and torture each other?

There is no need to think about anyone, but about yourself first of all. “What do I want, what worries me, what is happening to me, why? ”
And honestly answer such questions to yourself. Then there will be inner personal growth.
All life on earth grows and is created by universal love for further development.
When there is no love, relationships do not develop, stagnation lasts, decay and death occur, then it heals and overgrows, like a forgotten and crushed reservoir.
If, in your family, problems drag on for many years, it is most likely that there is no harmony in the relationship at all. There is only coexistence for the sake of some purpose, perhaps a temporary, and sometimes aimless existence and the expectation of life changes from somewhere, suddenly, one day, someone or something will change your present and finally water will flow under the pebble ...
Now the most important thing is your question:
- "What to believe and how to live?"
Firstly, “let off steam”, live through all the emotions, let go of grievances at will, you have accumulated quite a few of them, you don’t need to save them further, there is nowhere to store them!
Track your thoughts. We get in life what we believe in! If you don't believe in anything, who will believe you?
- If you don't listen, who will hear you?
Start giving. Give love, respect and joy. Because you have it!
Do not regret the feelings shown and your love and kindness! Love will return to you, giving once only a drop - you will receive two in return!
Reveal yourself as a woman who fell asleep, whom you forgot when you turned your mountains of business and fuss ...
We must stop living for others and even think so, since we all live only for ourselves and everything we do is primarily for ourselves, for our self-esteem!
Don't try your best to be good, just be yourself. So be versatile.
Eliminate any sacrifice from your life.
If the relationship does not quite suit you today, but nevertheless continues, you can do at least three ways:
1. Leave everything as it is and suffer further or not suffer at all, but accept the unavoidable circumstance in your life.
2. Drop everything and leave, leave ... You can't run from yourself. You can run away from an unlearned lesson, but then you won’t go higher in level, and you’ll be left to relive everything anew. The lesson you didn’t pass will return to you in a different form, with a different person, with similar situations ... And the problems will return again.
3. Take responsibility, understand - you deserve what you have now such a result. But do not blame yourself or condemn your husband. No need to engage in self-flagellation, search and "eating the guilty." You just need to realize that now you want to change everything!
Remember - If a person has a desire, then he has the opportunity to achieve the desired result.
Look for means and opportunities, correct mistakes.
By changing yourself, you will notice that the world around you has suddenly imperceptibly changed for the better!
Start changing yourself, and the world and your environment will change for the better.
After such a radical cleaning and change, the spouses, as a rule, reconcile and live in perfect harmony or part painlessly, clearly understanding that now, each of them has their own path in different directions.

Good luck in your endeavors!

I wish you wisdom and love!

Reader question:

Hello! I'm 32 and I'm divorced. AT recent times my life is falling apart. I can’t decide on a job, I can’t get a job, no matter where I look, nothing happens. Relations with relatives and friends are nowhere worse, health is poor. Tell me, please, what prayers to read in this case, when there is no happiness in life?

Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:

What are you, young man, completely unstuck! Yes, is it possible! Only 32 years old! Come on, dear, take care of your mind! You are the master of your situation, with God's help, you can correct it. Prayer is not a spell, it is a living appeal to God, the Mother of God and the saints, as to a living person. Yes, they are all living people, even the Lord Himself was born and lived a human life, the more he understands each of us, He Himself went through what people go through. Therefore, you need to improve your spiritual life as a whole. Come to the temple you like, ask there, for example, where and when you can talk to the priest, and come to talk. In a personal live conversation, you will determine how and when you will come to confession, how you will pray, how often you will receive communion and participate in divine services. Gradually you will begin to delve into church life, take a more sober look at yourself and your situation, relying on the experience of church tradition, correct your life, improve it.

Do not delay the conversation, for now, start reading morning and evening prayers, and during the day pray briefly: "Lord, have mercy." Try reading the gospel. Not all at once, gradually. What is not clear - see the interpretations. They are also on the Internet.

And at the same time, do something yourself. Firstly, if you suddenly have depression, then you need to go to a psychologist and find out if it is serious. If it is not there, then do not dissolve yourself, but act. Deal with health calmly: go to the doctor, undergo examinations, start doing some exercises, drink vitamins, eat healthy food (learn how to cook better at the same time), and so on. This is generally the first thing - to improve health!

Children if you were married - take care of them, help your wife with the child, you can - with money, no - determine the days of the week on which you will take the child or visit him. Divorced from his wife - this is with his wife. But you are mom and dad! And the responsibility is on you.

See what you can do with your family. If you offended them - look where and how you can improve, how you can really help ... and pray. And there, God willing, you will see how and what you yourself could do here, what to change.

About work is a difficult question to write. But you can't just sit at home! Search, ask everywhere, this is also a question of your health and salvation. You must stand on your own. Remember what you know how to do, and start at least with something, just don’t give up. This period will pass, and even better - you yourself will be able to change it to something better, joyful and suitable for you.

There are days in life when you need all your will not to choke in the streams of negative events and destructive circumstances. You must be strong in order to repel the enemy, the tax authorities, diseases, problems in your personal life and even fate itself. But what can one person do when the whole world is up in arms against him? Hide in a corner, cry and ask not to beat yourself? We do not think so and, based on the experience of the sages and older generations, we will tell you how to survive difficult times without much damage.

Don't give up

I noticed that even those people who claim that everything is a foregone conclusion and that nothing can be done about it, look around before crossing the road.
- Stephen Hawking -

The first thing you want to do when virtually all of life has been destroyed by a nuclear explosion is to give up. You think “it had to happen” because you grew up in this family, worked in this company and lived with this girl - the stars fucked you, and you kind of had nothing to do with it. But even if fate and fate exist, this does not mean that you need to give control of your life to the flow and emptiness. Many people want to throw off the burden of responsibility for their own mistakes, but when you step back from this responsibility, you personally sign the death warrant for everything human that you have, you reincarnate into a decorative dog that is not able to survive in the real world - the rats will eat it.

Count on yourself

A slightly religious quote by Stephen King, but he captured the essence perfectly. Many are waiting for help from space, good luck, various funds and even the government. Modern fairies and elves who have to bring bags of gold coins can be many real organizations like universities. The graduate thinks that he has a red diploma, he was trained, which means that locomotives of vacancies will soon fall on his head, but this does not happen, because he understands that he will have to achieve everything himself, and a piece of paper will not help much. The same thing happens in moments of complete despair: we pray to higher powers to save us, having lost faith in ourselves. But if you do not believe in yourself, then why the hell should a conditional Buddha help you? You have already decided everything for yourself.

Don't be your own enemy

This is what I liked today at Hekaton: “You ask what I have achieved? Become your own friend!" He achieved a lot, because now he will never be alone. And know: such a person will be a friend to everyone.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca -

Alcohol, drugs, gluttony and gambling - an overabundance of these wonderful things is killing you. But people still turn to them when something terrible happens. He wants to forget, relax, get into a fairy-tale world where there are no problems - it's a pleasure. This is not the way out. Thus, you only destroy your nervous system, body and soul. And, of course, the time that could have been spent trying to get out of the hole where you fell. No, we are not against alcohol and cigarettes, but at critical moments it is better to give them up - there is too much temptation to go over the line and learn what addiction is that you don’t wish on anyone.

Stop blaming the world

Well, your girlfriend did a terrible thing to you, you were fired, and some rubbish was found in your body. It is logical to assume that not only you are to blame for all these troubles, but also your environment, and maybe even the whole system, the government, the economy, and indeed the whole world. You think that in the Viking Age your life would be more beautiful, and here there is only the reign of vicious consumerism. But the problem is not in the world - the problem is in you. You blame others too often, point out their mistakes and do not want to see your shortcomings. In moments of decline in bodily and spiritual strength, such entertainment will come to you sideways. Stop blaming and start looking for reasons - understanding them will lead to a plan of action that will help you cope with difficulties.

Don't wait, act

Here, imagine. You are a fish, you live in a pond, and the pond dries up. You need to mutate into an amphibian, but someone sticks to you and persuades you to stay in the pond, they say, everything will work out.
- "And the hippos boiled in their pools", William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac -

Sometimes the right decision lies on the surface, but you don’t make it, because there are “smart people” who tell you: don’t rush, you can lose everything; appreciate what you have! But the world works according to other laws. If you want to lose something, then the best thing you can do is to do nothing. Inaction makes you food for other predatory inhabitants of the country. And action, on the contrary, makes the world an object with which you can interact. That is, if you want to correct the deplorable reality, then you need to act and act strenuously. You can’t stand in one place and think that everything will work out - nothing will work out.