Xenia will tell her life from a different angle. Look at life from a different angle. You don't know what this new thing will bring to you.

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Skydive, sign up for Italian, go to a dance, speak at a big conference. Everything seems to be very simple: say "yes" - and make all your desires come true. But it is often very scary to start. Suddenly it won't work? There are many unnecessary doubts and fears.

website I decided to tell you why you need to take risks, fight your fears and always say “yes” to a new one, using the example of famous movie characters.

This is how you live your life without regrets

Surely because of your fears, you have at least once said “no” to something new. And then very much regretted the missed opportunity. Try to take a risk. Yes, you will face difficulties on the way to a new one, but living in regrets is even scarier.

If La La Land's Mia had given up and created her own play, she might never have become a famous actress.

You don't know what this new thing will bring to you.

Sometimes when you say “no” to a new one, you don't know how much it would bring and how much you would lose. You don't really know what you need in life. That's why Down with fears, it's time to act.

If, in a movie about the most famous wizard of all time, Harry got scared and refused to go with Hagrid to Hogwarts, how much Harry himself and the world of magic would lose, and how much we would lose.

Often the experience gained makes a person look at things from a different angle. And this is a very important process. Such a reassessment helps to feel your life deeper and wider.

We all remember the boring Carl from Always Say Yes. His shell was from impenetrable. But how drastically his life changed after he began to say "yes" to everything new! It turned his world upside down and allowed him to look at himself differently.

You will surely gain self-confidence

Those people who conquer their fears always attract success.. This victory gives a person confidence that he can cope with everything.

If Albert from the film "The King's Speech!" had given up halfway through and hadn't triumphed over his stutter, he would never have delivered such an uplifting speech to rally his people in a time of need.

And you will have energy

One day, Elizabeth realizes that she is living the life she did not want. She is exhausted. Therefore, she decides to go on a journey in search of harmony. Filled with energy, Elizabeth attracts not only new friends, but also the man she loves.

You only have one life

Remember, you only have one life. And in this life there should be no unnecessary fears and doubts. They prevent you from feeling the energy and happiness from every day you live. Your life should not be wasted. Being afraid is stupid.

Rudy and Martin have nothing left to live, and they want to fulfill their last wish at any cost. To see the sea - what a simple desire. But they put it off all their lives.

An excerpt from the book by psychologist Ekaterina Murashova “Treat or love?”

I am very easily deceived,” the woman warned and smiled. Pretty charming.

I smiled back.

I haven't even started yet. Not enough information.

The information was released immediately. Everything, in general, is simple.

Everyone always "threw" her. From best friends to the weather and humanity in general. All endeavors ended in failure. If she finds a good job, then the office ceases to exist after two months. If he meets an interesting man, it turns out that he is a newcomer and, due to circumstances, he urgently needs a St. Petersburg residence permit. If she puts money in the bank, the bank is revoked and bankrupt almost immediately. If she comes to a stop, then the trolleybus she needs drives off before her eyes. If she takes an umbrella in the morning, then the weather is good all day. If he doesn’t take it, then ... understand? She doesn't blame anyone for anything. Clearly, there is something wrong with her. But what?

Let's say that she does not have enough intelligence to understand the reliability of banks and the decency of men. But what about the weather and everything?

The woman was pretty and well dressed. Her figure is clearly familiar with fitness and diets. To put money in an unreliable bank, you need to have it. In general, everything is not so bad. But she wants to talk, discuss, maybe even really change something in herself.

Perhaps I should now tell you about the family in which I grew up? - businesslike offers a woman.

She's obviously seen movies, maybe read something, she's got some idea of ​​how psychotherapists work, and she's waiting for me to start living up to her expectations now. Alas! - I think. - Now I will do with her exactly the same as the bank, men and the weather (and in a sense, I will also live up to expectations). "Kinu" her.

You are absolutely right, I say. - Something in your life strategy needs to be revised. And it is quite possible that psychotherapy can help you with this. But why did you go to the children's clinic? Look, I have the phone numbers of the nearest psychological consultations for adults and the phone number of the Harmony center hanging on my wall. If that doesn't work for you, you can handle it online.

I usually work with children or families. And in nine cases out of ten I remain in a very narrow framework of psychological counseling. This is my conscious choice. Of course, I studied analytical and other methods of modern psychotherapy, and even separately - hypnosis. When I first started working, I was surprised to find that teenagers, for example, go into a trance state almost at the snap of their fingers. But what to do about it? In most cases, I do not find it necessary (and, to be honest, I'm just afraid!) to get deep into the structure of the personality and even more so - to change something there. Modern psychotherapy, with its several thousand described techniques, is half art, one quarter shamanism, and the remaining quarter - guess what? ..

I admire the genius of Freud, the talents of Jung, Perls and other luminaries. I deeply respect my many colleagues who work almost exclusively with methods of deep therapy and are ready to build structures of exceptional elegance for the client’s money and at his request for years. and capriciousness. To believe in their objective existence, to convince a person of that, to rebuild these constructions together and sometimes, thereby, really solve some problems. In any case, the client is guaranteed something like a psychotherapeutic personality massage. I know that the woman who came to me has somewhere to go. And it still makes me a little uncomfortable.

I have a daughter, the woman says. - She is twelve years old. Recently she asked me: “Mom, why am I such a loser?” And I was scared: is this hereditary? Or maybe contagious?

All got it! I mentally told myself. - Now, as a dear, from the interests of the child you will listen to how the aunt was treated in her own family and a detailed history of her monotonous failures with men.

Tell me about your daughter, I asked dejectedly.

As I expected, it turned out that everything was fine with the girl. He studies well in a good school, has girlfriends, enjoys additional English and goes to a theater group. But there are always some kind of showdowns with her girlfriends, and the teachers are unfair to her. Another will be given five, and she will get only four for the same.

So! - I said decisively, when the woman hastily finished with her daughter and prepared to tell me with taste, sense, arrangement, with an eye on the Elektra complex, about her relationship with her father. - I give a special psychotherapeutic exercise. Perform once a day, after dinner. Since you still have not died in agony under the fence, but are quite alive and adaptive, it means that sometimes you are still lucky. So, at the end of each day, find three cases of daily luck, tell them aloud to your daughter and write them down in a special notebook. End the description of each case with the phrase: “I was lucky!” Any, even the smallest bit of luck will do. Then bring the notebook to me.

Yes, I don’t even have three cases!

Will be typed!

Should I tell my daughter? It's the same with me.

Necessarily!

She gave me the notebook, giggling. I took it and began to read aloud (handwriting is large, beautiful, like from an excellent girl) ... In the end, too, she could not stand it and laughed. Auntie is an accountant by profession, but actually she could, it seems to me, earn extra money with texts for modern humorous programs. Here are samples: “Three apartments on our site were robbed this afternoon. In a hurry, probably drug addicts. They took only some money from us, an old laptop and my daughter's earrings from under the mirror. The grandmother-neighbor was hit on the head. They took me to the hospital. My daughter and I were not at home. We were lucky, we could also get hit on the head!”

“Today I slipped on the ice under the snow and fell on the way to work. Right behind me was a dilapidated old woman. What if she fell? Definitely a hip fracture. I would have had to call an ambulance, take her to the hospital, look for relatives. I would have missed the whole working day, and so only a bruise on my thigh. Lucky me!”

“Today it turned out that the cool man, whom Lyalka beat off from me at the New Year's corporate party, infected her with three sexually transmitted diseases at once. Lucky me!”

What about daughter?

At first she laughed, now she also began to write this, about school. She's even funnier. I read it in the theater studio, the leader said: we will stage! Do you still consider yourself a failure?

Yes, no, but what is it?

To some, yes there, to many people, ordinary life seems too ordinary. I want to be special. But for one reason or another they cannot become astronauts or robbers. Here they are rebuilding under itself reality. Just a little bit... I remember one episode from the memoirs of Isadora Duncan: she comes to a very rich European woman to ask for money in order to build something like a temple on a desert rock in Greece, where barefoot girls in white clothes will dance beautifully (Duncan is sincerely sure that this very important). And she replies to her: oh, my dear, this is some kind of nonsense and in general I’m not up to your ideas - I work seriously with Dr. Jung and every day for five or six hours I write down the dreams that I had that night.

Hee hee hee! Are you saying that I'm like them - Duncan and that rich woman? The woman is obviously flattered.

I nod silently.

Tell me, is it possible to rebuild this reality for something else? Not under failure?

Of course you can choose! I generously offer. - Judging by this notebook, you are a talented person.

I would like, until I get old, to stay a little ... well ... a femme fatale, or what?

Maybe. Quite. But, of course, you have to work. For fifteen minutes I am ready to listen and discuss your plan.

Fifteen minutes later, she left already a little changed. Licking on the go. And I realized that Lyalka (even when she recovers) - nothing shines.

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35 quotes by Paulo Coelho - will help you look at life differently. Paulo Coelho is a legendary Brazilian prose writer and poet. The total circulation of his books in all languages ​​has long exceeded 300 million. His special style and thoughts in novels, anthologies and collections of short stories-parables help the reader look at life from a slightly different angle, see the small in the great, find the strength to love, love life and look at everything with optimism.

We we have collected for you some of the best quotes by Paulo Coelho, which may help you realize something important:

Our angels are always with us and often they use someone's lips to tell us something.

If you are able to see the beautiful, it is only because you carry the beautiful within yourself. For the world is like a mirror in which everyone sees his own reflection.

If a person really wants something, then the whole Universe will help to ensure that his desire comes true.What happened once may never happen again. But what happened twice will certainly happen a third time.

When you really want something, the whole Universe will contribute to making your desire come true.

Sometimes you have to run to see who runs after you. Sometimes you have to speak softer to see who is really listening to you. Sometimes you have to take a step back to see who else is on your side. Sometimes you have to make the wrong decisions to see who's with you when things fall apart.

If I do exactly the things that people expect from me, I will fall into their slavery.

True love does not require reciprocity, and those who want to receive a reward for their love are wasting their time.

Life is always waiting for that hour when the future depends only on your decisive actions.

Getting lost is the best way to find something interesting.

The darkest hour is before dawn.

If you were discharged from a lunatic asylum, this does not mean that you treated. You just became like everyone else.

If a person is yours, then he is yours, and if he is drawn to somewhere else, then nothing will hold him back, and he is not worth either nerves or attention.

Everyone says anything in the back, but in the eyes - what is beneficial.

If love changes a person quickly, then despair - even faster.

Where we are expected, we always find ourselves right on time.

Life is sometimes surprisingly stingy - for whole days, weeks, months, years a person does not receive a single new sensation. And then he opens the door - and an avalanche falls on him.

Waiting is the hardest part.

Having reached the end, people laugh at the fears that tormented them at the beginning.

If you dare to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.

• Feeling unhappy all the time is an unaffordable luxury.

• There are people who were born into the world to go through life alone, this is not bad and not good, this is life.

Never give up on a dream! Dreams nourish our soul, just as food nourishes the body. No matter how many times in life we ​​have to go through a crash and see our hopes shattered, we must still continue to dream.

Everything in the world is a different manifestation of the same thing.

We say the most important words in our lives silently.

Sometimes you need to go around the whole world to understand that the treasure is buried at your own house.

People want to change everything and at the same time want everything to remain the same.

• What you are looking for is also looking for you.

• Always say what you feel and do what you think! Silence breaks fate...

Man does the opposite. He hurries to become an adult, and then sighs about the past childhood. Spends health for money and immediately spends money to improve health. He thinks about the future with such impatience that he neglects the present, because of which he has neither a present nor a future. Lives as if he will never die, and dies as if he never lived.

Sometimes you have to die to start living.

It happens sometimes that life separates two people - just to show both how important they are to each other.

Once I found all the answers, all the questions changed.

In the end, everything must be fine. If something is bad, then this is not the end ...

You always need to know when the next stage of your life ends. The circle closes, the door closes, the chapter ends - no matter what you call it, it is important to leave in the past what already belongs to the past ...

Shake off the numbness, habits and the standard view of the world. It's time to look and act from a different, more productive and creative angle. How to become more inventive and learn how to implement breakthrough ideas?

Our brains are built for creative problem solving, and natural ingenuity can be enhanced. Tina Seelig, a Stanford professor and best-selling author of Do-It-Yourself, is convinced of this. In her explosive new book Breaking the Pattern, she gives great tips to shake off the daze and look at the world from a different perspective, make it a little better, and make yourself more creative.

From a different angle

The ability to look at a problem from different points of view is critical to solving all types of problems. Until 1543, people believed that the sun and the planets revolved around the earth. But in 1543 Copernicus changed the ideas of mankind. There was a radical change in point of view, which led to the "Copernican revolution". You, too, are capable of starting a revolution. You just need to look at the problems you are busy with from a different angle.

Some artists and musicians deliberately break our boundaries. For example, Maurits Cornelis Escher is famous for his graphic works, in which he plays with the perception of the viewer, forcing him to see different figures alternately in the foreground and in the background.

Another example is the work of composer John Cage "4′ 33″". It was written in 1952 and is suitable for any instrument or orchestra. The score says that all musicians should just sit quietly for four and a half minutes without touching the strings or keys.

You can train in yourself the ability to change your point of view every day. Find a stone or a piece of wood, put it in a frame and get an art object. Imagine that your young secretary one day becomes the CEO. Sit on the floor and understand how little children see the world.

In search of inspiration

teasing. Just one word - teasing. Can you write a three-page essay inspired by him?

Absolutely everything - every word, every object - gives you the opportunity to make the most of knowledge to spur the flight of fancy.

Until recently, applicants at Oxford took a "one-word exam". They both anticipated and dreaded That Esse, as he was called. At the exam, each of them, at the same time as the others, turned over a sheet of paper on which one word was written - for example, "innocence", "miracles" or "teasing". In three hours they had to write an essay inspired by a single word.

Combine incongruous

The ability to connect and combine incompatible objects is an important step in creating innovations. To form new ideas, you need to learn how to reorganize and regroup old ones.

This principle is followed by lovers of the Japanese art direction chindogu. Chindogu is the creation of strange, unusual inventions by combining the incongruous. For example, a suit for a baby with a floor cloth on the stomach - while crawling on the floor, the child simultaneously cleans the apartment. Or a back-lined shirt so you can tell exactly where you need to scratch your back.

Of course, these inventions are impractical, but they may well be the first step towards creating something truly useful.

For the sake of mastering this combination, you can take part in the competition from New Yorker. Every week the magazine publishes an unsigned picture on the last page. Pictures from the New Yorker often contain incongruous objects, objects taken out of context, or images that have been scaled. It's up to the reader to find a fun way to tie them together.

Brainstorming Rule #1

The main rule of brainstorming: there are no bad ideas. This means that participants do not have the right to criticize each other's proposals. No matter how strange the idea, your task is to use it. Brainstorming allows you to explore all the possibilities, be they brilliant or idiotic. Remove the obvious from the list of possible solutions and force participants to think further.

While brainstorming, you can throw unexpected or provocative questions and clues to the participants that push the discussion in a completely different direction. For example, if the design of a new playground is on the agenda, ask how such playgrounds would look on the Moon or under water, in 100 years or in the last century, if they were built by children or the disabled, if the construction budget was one dollar or a million, or if this site should be the most dangerous in the world.

Encouragement and punishment

If you want to boost your own creativity and unleash the creativity of those around you, you need to come up with ways to reward yourself. For example, Proteus Biomedical has created an interesting game. When one of her employees applies for a patent for an invention, they are given a toy rubber brain. The employee puts this brain in a large jar, standing on a shelf at the entrance to the company, next to the same jars of his colleagues. The more brains an employee has in the bank, the higher his status in the company.

Another funny example is a website called Written? Kitten! Its task is to motivate authors. You set a goal for yourself, like writing 3,000 or 5,000 words, and as soon as you meet the norm, a picture with a kitten is shown. For cat lovers, this is a good incentive.

The program was created in response to the Write or Die application (“Write or die”), which, on the contrary, punishes lazy writers. In light mode, the program simply sends reminder messages. In normal mode, stopping is accompanied by an unpleasant sound signal. And in the “kamikaze” mode, the program starts erasing the written word by word as soon as you stop writing.

From a change in the places of the terms, the sum ... changes!

"What is five plus five?" What two numbers add up to ten? There is only one answer to the first question, but there are an innumerable number of answers to the second, especially when fractions and negative numbers are taken into account. These two simple addition examples differ only in their wording.

The ability to put the question differently is an effective method of developing the imagination, because with a change in the wording, a huge number of possible solutions open up.

Albert Einstein once said: “If I were given an hour to solve a problem on which my life depended, I would spend 55 minutes precisely formulating the question. And in order to answer the right question, I need no more than five minutes.

Invent the future

Creativity opens up a whole universe of possibilities. By developing creativity, instead of problems you will find potential, instead of obstacles - motivation, instead of challenges - the possibility of revolutionary solutions. However, in school they do not teach creative problem solving, it is not even considered a skill that can be mastered. Unfortunately, the persistent belief that ideas are cheap is fairly common. Ideas are not cheap, they are free. And priceless.

Ideas lead to innovations that move the world economy forward and prevent our lives from becoming a monotonous and inactive existence. These are the cranes that pull us off the beaten path and onto the path of progress. Without new ideas, life will not just repeat the same episodes over and over, it will begin to roll back.

In fact, our main mistakes are not that we are doing something wrong, but that we do not even dream of something more. We are all inventors of our own future. Invent your own.

Based on the materials of the book "Breaking the Pattern"

Our performance can directly depend on the audience surrounding us. It is also worth noting that those present can influence both positively and negatively. For example, if there is someone nearby, then the person will do much better what he already knows how to do than what he is not familiar with at all.

Psychologist Robert Zajonc noted that observers act as a stimulus because it is impossible to predict their reaction. Here you can cite as an example knowledge of the matter and novelty. In the first case, it will be easier to overcome psychological barriers and fear of evaluation, and in the second, everything will be much more difficult.

1. Placebo effect

In other words, very good self-hypnosis. A placebo is a dummy, a medicine with nothing inside, it is given as an effective remedy. A person starts taking the drug, waiting for some changes ... And suddenly the condition improves. This is called the placebo effect.

1. spotlight effect

By nature, it is common for every person to think about himself, how good he is, and also to increase interest in himself from those around him. Consider an example: you are walking down the street and suddenly you stumble. It would seem that nothing out of the ordinary happened. However, at the same moment you get the feeling that a huge searchlight is hanging above you, and its only beam has focused the views of others on your person.

In fact, everything is much simpler. Only a few people noticed your clumsiness, and even they did not attach much importance.

1. Naive faith in justice

A fairly large number of people naively believe that justice rules the world and that in the end good will triumph over evil, and all positive and negative characters will get what they deserve. Remember, for sure, a similar situation arose with you when trouble happened to some bad person, and you thought it was him for everything he did.

This is how a person works, he needs to know and believe that justice will prevail. Everyone calls it differently, but the essence remains the same.

1. Google effect

We have become so lazy that we do not remember elementary information, this is no longer necessary. And all because it can be found on the Internet at any time. Previously, it took hours, or even days, to search: you had to get up and go to the library, choose a book and look for information in it. Now everything is reduced to a minimum, it is enough to make a couple of mouse clicks. The brain does not perceive what is entering it, because it thinks that this is not necessary, because Google is always at hand.

1. The paradox of choice

Sometimes, when something needs to be chosen, we find ourselves in an impasse. And as it turns out, a lot is not always good. The big alternative is more likely to lead to suffering than to relief.

First of all, it is necessary to understand what is the difference between each of the choices, what are their pros and cons. At this point, the pain begins. As a result, it may turn out that there is no pleasure from the chosen option, or it was not possible to stop at anything at all.

1. Barnum effect / Forer effect

When we think that a description of a person has been created especially for us, we believe that it is absolutely correct.

In 1948, psychologist Bertram Forer conducted an experiment among students. After passing the test, they handed over sheets of paper to process information that was not there at all. The scientist created one description, one text, which one way or another suited everyone because of its vagueness. All students in turn approached Forer and evaluated the received characteristic on a scale of five points. At the end, they brought out the average result: 4.26 points. So, the participants rated the result quite highly.

1. Pygmalion effect / Rosenthal effect

This trick is classified as a prophecy that comes true on its own. According to some sociologists, this is a kind of self-hypnosis, when a person’s actions and actions are influenced by his expectations.

If a person thinks that he is attractive to the interlocutor, then the whole conversation flows in a completely different way: other mannerisms, gestures, and so on. You can also consider the example of a leader and a subordinate. If the first assigns complex, but quite feasible tasks to the second, then the employee copes much better and faster. It works both ways: if you expect failure or failure, then you will definitely come to this.

1. bystander effect

If at the time of some incident there was a large crowd of people around, then you can not wait for help or wait for it for a long time, since everyone thinks that someone else will help.

When there are many eyewitnesses, the responsibility is automatically distributed among everyone, and for everyone it is actually lower than it might seem. And when there is only one witness, he understands that there is no one else to help and takes full responsibility.

1. focus effect

Everything is very simple: focusing on some little thing, we do not see what is happening around. Because of such moments, it is possible to misjudge the situation and come to a negative conclusion.

For example, for many people a lot of money is the key to happiness. But why are they needed if there is no health, a loved one, or even time for something other than work?

1. Survivor bias

As mentioned earlier, a person draws the wrong conclusions, because he does not know the big picture or all aspects.

During the Second World War, there was an incident that became a prime example for this effect. The statistician Abraham Wald had to calculate what exactly needed to be strengthened in the aircraft so that as many pilots as possible would return to base. It was found that the wings, tails and other details were most often damaged. Someone suggested to strengthen specifically these parts. However, Wald suggested that aircraft with damaged engines simply do not reach the base. He began to strengthen them and turned out to be right.

That is, it would be wrong to take into account data only on surviving people, since the overall picture is different.

1. First impression effect

The first impression is something that cannot be repeated. An opinion about you is formed in the first minutes of acquaintance, and it is this opinion that affects the subsequent assessment of you as a person and the construction of a dialogue.

1. The Dr. Fox effect

1. Confirmation bias

Each of us has our own point of view. And we give preference to information that confirms our thoughts, even if we are wrong. This trick is quite common, many come across it.

1. Illusory correlation

In addition to, for example, justice, people believe that some things are somehow related to each other, although in fact they have nothing in common.

This effect has created stereotypes such as blondes being stupid. Or that two people can quarrel by spilling salt. All these examples and signs are illusory correlation.

A person attaches too much importance to any bright event, hence the wrong connection is built between two different things.

1. halo effect

The assessment of a person is sometimes influenced by the general impression of him. For example, we met a good person, automatically we begin to think that he is good in everything, and also smart and attractive. Conversely, we consider smart people to be attractive and good. Projecting a general opinion on some specific qualities is wrong.

1. Tamagotchi effect

Do you remember this popular toy in the nineties? The shell is made of ordinary plastic, and inside is a favorite animal. Care was carried out at a strictly set time: feeding, treatment, and so on. And if they forgot about him, then he died. Of course it was sad. Children got used to and fell in love with a virtual pet, but the feelings were real.

The Tamagotchi has gone out of fashion at the moment, but it has been replaced by other addictive gadgets worse than the one that used to be. Now not only children are dependent, but also adults. The consequences are also different: both positive and negative.

1. Veblen effect

To show their status in society, a person tends to defiantly make expensive purchases. Many of you will find this counterintuitive, but this trick works. When prices rise, the demand for goods rises with them.

1. imperfection effect

Strange as it may sound, “ideal” people are more repulsive than attractive. Never try to be someone you are not. People around you are more attracted to naturalness, even if you are slightly clumsy. And if you know how to turn awkward situations into jokes, then this is a big plus.

1. Zeigarnik effect

This psychological trick is directly related to our memory. Scientists have found that an action that has not been completed, the brain will remember better than completed.

If a person is passionate about something and is interrupted, not allowed to finish the job, then a kind of tension appears, it does not go away until the task is completed.

For example, you are busy with household chores and suddenly you are interrupted by a request to go to the store. After returning, you can easily remember what you were doing before you left, because the task was not completed. The same technique is used in advertising: incompleteness and understatement make it better to remember the video.

1. projection effect

People judge others by themselves, attributing their qualities to others. For example, kind people believe that everyone around is sincere and open. And those who believe in justice think that everyone around is just as fair.

1. ostrich effect

Agree, it’s more pleasant to learn good news, but you don’t want to hear about bad news. But if suddenly this happened, then we try to run away from the details, not wanting to know them. That is, we actually hide our heads in the sand, without delving into the essence of what happened. However, as you know, ostriches still do not do this. And if we take investors as an example, they check their deposits as rarely as possible when stocks fall on the market.

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