The story about people's lives is real. A love story from life - we should have been ripe for love ...

Almost everyone loves it. People are especially amused by short stories that are funny and funny that happened in real life. Such cases will be great entertainment for any company. Short stories, funny, original, funny - this is exactly what you need for a pleasant pastime. They are a kind of anecdote. However, the difference is that taken from real life, they sound much more interesting. You can laugh at these comical, famously twisted plots for a very long time without stopping.

Short stories. Funny incidents from life

So, if you are going to relax with friends, be sure that everyone will like this entertainment. Short stories, funny stories can instantly cheer up the people around you. And if you are endowed with a good memory, you will surely have a lot of them. Short stories - funny, kind, comical - about your acquaintances and friends will give you smiles and a lot of positive emotions. Let's take a look at where the most common situations occur.

Military service

You can often hear, for example, interesting stories from people's lives - funny, short - about the military. For example, such. The man tells about the period of his service in the army. While on duty at the checkpoint, an elderly couple approached him. The woman began to wonder where the tank unit was located nearby. The son allegedly served there, according to her. The duty officer tried to explain to the spouses that there was no tank unit nearby. In response, the couple tried desperately to prove that their son would not deceive them. The last argument of the woman was the photograph shown to the duty officer. It depicted a young "tanker" with a proud posture, leaning out from the waist up with a lid in his hands in front of him. One can imagine how the soldier on duty laughed. Such interesting stories from the life of people (funny, short) are heard very often among the military.

Cases with documents

Where else can you find funny funny moments? Surprisingly, you can often hear stories from life, funny, short, related to working with documents. Here is one of them. The man needed to get a certificate for the notary's office at the State Bureau of Investigation. An employee of the bureau asked how urgently he needed a document (the cost of registration for three days is sixty-eight rubles, for two days - one hundred and five). The man stopped at the second option, as time, as they say, was running out. Having paid money at the cash desk, I received the answer: "Come on Monday." And it was Thursday. The girl explained that on Saturday and Sunday they are closed. “What if I paid for three days?” the man asked. The girl explained that he would still have to come for help on Monday. “Why did I pay forty rubles more?” the man asked. "Like this? Time is pressing. To get a certificate a day earlier, ”the girl explained. Of course, such stories from life, funny, short, at first can only drive you crazy. However, over time, you will remember such cases with a smile on your face.

On vacation

Next option. Short funny stories from real life related to recreation are no less popular than the ones mentioned above. A lot of curiosities can be seen on the beach. How fun it was, for example, vacationers who watched the following picture. A married couple with an eight-year-old son was resting on the seashore. The family forgot to take panama hats with them. The wife went to the room for hats, leaving the child to the father. When she returned, she did not see her husband, but here is her son ... He was buried in the sand. One head stuck out. To the question "Where is dad?" the boy replied: "Bathing!". "Why are you here?" asked the mother. The child cheerfully declared: “Daddy buried me so that I wouldn’t get lost!” Of course, it’s hard to call such an act serious, but everyone had fun!

Abroad

Short funny stories from real life sometimes have a continuation, growing into longer, drawn-out ones. One of them is told by the guide. A group of Russian tourists (hockey players) went on a boat trip on a mountain river. Often guides provoke water fights between vacationers. This time, the Germans fell into rivals with the Russians. And there was a tour on May 9 ...

One could imagine how the hockey players got turned on when they found out who they were fighting. With cries of "For the Motherland!" and "For victory!" they splashed their oars furiously on the water. However, they quickly got tired of it. Turning over the objecting guide along the way, they rushed at the enemy right on the boats, quickly turning them into the water.

It would seem that the fun is over. But in the evening, the following fact surfaced: both groups settled in the same hotel. Hockey players loudly celebrated their "victory" right by the pool, singing patriotic songs. The Germans did not even leave their rooms.

At work

Very often there are also funny stories from the life of people (short) in the workplace. For example, such a case. One man bought himself a book on Bringing it to work, he decided to try it out on his colleagues. His employee wanted to "check" her daughter. The man agreed. The next day, a colleague brought an envelope with a note. Opening it, the man immediately issued: “Your daughter is 14 years old. She is an excellent student. He loves horseback riding and dancing. The woman was simply shocked and immediately ran to tell her friends about everything. The man did not even have time to tell her about the contents of the note: “I am an excellent student, I am 14 years old, I love horses and dancing. And your mother thinks you're a liar."

Cases with animals

Funny stories from short and not only, quite often are also associated with our smaller brothers. For example, such an interesting case happened to a middle-aged man. A tired old dog somehow came to the courtyard of his private house. However, the animal was fattened, a collar flaunted around its neck. That is, it was quite obvious that the dog was well taken care of, that she had a home. The dog approached the man, allowed himself to be stroked, and followed him into the hallway. Walking slowly through it, he lay down in a corner of the living room and fell asleep. About an hour later the dog came to the door. The man released the animal.

The next day, at about the same time, the dog came to him again, "greeted" him, lay down in the same corner and slept again for about an hour. His “visits” lasted for several weeks. Finally, the man decided to inquire what was the matter, and pinned a note to the collar with the following content: “Sorry, but I want to know who is the owner of this cute wonderful animal and whether he knows that the dog sleeps every day at my house.” The next day, the dog came with the "answer" strapped on. The note read: “The dog lives in a house with six kids. Two of them were not yet three years old. He wants to sleep. May I come with him tomorrow?”

The youth

Sometimes people around bring funny stories to tears. Short stories from the life of young people are especially common among students, applicants, and high school students. However, this case is not like that. No one was offended or disappointed. Two young guys slowly strolled through the streets of the city. Stopping near a press kiosk, which also sells various stationery and other small things, they decided to buy a small ball with an elastic band that flies merrily if you pull on it - just, as they say, for fun. The problem was one thing: the guys did not know the name of this toy. One of the boys, pointing to the ball, turned to the saleswoman: “Give me that fennel!” "What to give?" the woman asked. "Fenka!" repeated the young man. The guys left with their purchase. The next day, they again passed by this kiosk. A price tag with the inscription "fenka" appeared on the window next to the ball.

Cases with children

Funny short stories are sure to make people smile when it comes to kids. Here is an incident that happened to a three-year-old boy. A large friendly family gathered together at the same table. The child sat and calmly watched how his grandmother and mother fry pancakes. All this time, he just quietly said: “This is all mine. I will eat first. Whoever eats without me - I will punish! The women finally finished cooking and piled the pancakes on a plate. The family took out jam and began to sit down at the table. The boy was the last to go to wash his hands. Before that, he warned everyone: “I will leave. But I’ll count all the pancakes so that you don’t eat without me. ” Next to the plate it sounded: “One, two, five, twenty, thirty… That's it! Do not touch!" When the child returned, one pancake was eaten. The boy began to shout: “I told you, don’t eat without me!” Relatives asked: “Did you really count?” To this the kid replied: “You don’t understand? I can't count! I flipped the top pancake!”

Indeed, it was funny. After all, none of the adults could guess to turn the top pancake over with the fried side down.

hospital stories

Very often, comic cases occur within the walls of medical institutions. As a rule, interesting stories (funny, short) from maternity hospitals about young fathers are the most common among them. For example, this one. A man's wife was giving birth. The wife was expecting twins. However, the sex of their future children was not known to them. The woman gave birth to a girl and a boy. The excited man was waiting for the doctor under the door of the ward. Finally, the midwife showed up. Her father ran up to her with the question: “Twins?” "Yes!" - answered the woman. Husband, smiling: "Boys?" She: "No!" Dad, smiling even wider: “Girls?” Midwife: "No!" Husband, dumbfounded: "And who?" There are many such incidents every day.

On the road

Real funny stories, short and long, are often associated with traffic police officers. At one of the Novosibirsk car depots, for example, such a case is known. There was a small chauffeur who worked there. When he was driving a KrAZ, he was not even visible from the outside. Once the driver went on a flight without fixing the rear number on the car. He just put it in the glove box. As usually happens in such cases, a traffic policeman was standing at the crossroads. Seeing a car without a driver, he was very surprised and whistled. The driver found a way out of the situation. He parked the car so that he could slip out the second door unnoticed and secure the number. Risky, but it's the only way to avoid a fine. So the car stopped. The patrolman slowly approached, stood for a moment and, without waiting for anyone, looked inside. Of course, he was very puzzled as he looked at the empty cockpit. The driver, meanwhile, fixed the number, and everyone returned to their seats. The traffic police officer was even more surprised when, obeying the command of his staff, the empty car started up and drove on.

That's just funny

And one moment. A lot depends on the mood of the person. Funny short stories may not have a so-called special plot. Sometimes, a person just has fun and joy in his soul. As they say, a chuckle got into your mouth. This is explained, most likely, by the fact that people face various stresses every day, small and not so much. All this, of course, is deposited inside each of us, adversely affecting the nervous system. A person, of course, does not remember this all the time. But in memory all the same, all these unpleasant moments remain. Accordingly, the body from time to time has to do a nervous discharge. After all, laughter heals. Thus, the healing process manifests itself in the form of a cheerful mood.

Therefore, it is not at all surprising that at times this happens. You can walk down the street with absolutely absurd thoughts in your head, look at others, and it will be funny to you. Their clothes, and gait, and facial expression can amuse you. Trying to hold back your laughter and smile, you thereby evoke a response from those you meet. Well, if some other incident suddenly happens ... For example, a gust of wind throws a piece of paper in your face, or a package, or something like that, this story will seem especially funny to you. And this, it is worth recalling once again, is not at all gloating! It's just the fight against stress in our body! Laughter prolongs our lives!

Everyone has moments in life when difficulties are overcome, and it seems that hands are about to drop ... The stories of these amazingly strong-willed people will help many of us understand that you can cope with any situation and under any life circumstances, the main thing is to believe in yourself and to your strength!

/ Life stories

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The history of the creation of an amateur series about the manners and customs of the African country of Ghana and the position of women in society. Even if you are a doctor of science or, by chance, the owner of your own business, for an African man it does not matter. You are a woman, which means that you should not have a personal opinion, as well as desires.

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Timur Belkin is professionally engaged in photography, creates websites, develops the public “Another Odessa”, in which he covers informal events of the seaside city, conducts performances as part of the authentic La Briar theater. But today we are going to talk about the features of hitchhiking in domestic open spaces.

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We are the fast food generation. We have everything quickly, in a hurry: instant pictures, short SMS, express trips... A crazy kaleidoscope of events behind which the essence is not visible... Why are we in such a hurry to live? This question was asked to the heroine of the story by an old antiquarian. And the search for an answer helped the girl find her calling and taught her to value time.

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On the International Day of the Girl, which is celebrated all over the world today in support of equal rights, I would like to recall such an important, integral (albeit sometimes hated) part of our life as education. To get an education, for example, in Afghanistan, girls literally risk their lives...

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How to get into the winter in the summer, make it rain on a sunny morning and curb the wind? Why filming never depends on the weather forecast and how long does it take to put a lime in a block of ice? In the realm of the Snow Queen, they know the answers, and you will too.

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She looks better than flowers on a dress. With a warm look, a caramel smile. Next to her is a confident calm. She says - Vajra, and you want to listen to her. She says awareness, and it needs to be written down. And read. After all, this is yoga. And something else.

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"A dream needs to be lived and thought about. It needs to be allowed to grow stronger so that it does not shrink in front of public opinion and criticism. To know that it is unique only because it originates from love. From the love of photography." Let's talk about your dream of becoming a photographer.

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What kind of business becomes profitable, how to survive frustration, build your own reality with your own hands and want to get married right. Says a European Top 100 Entrepreneur who worked for Google and Cisco in Silicon Valley and raised $3 million in funding for her startup.

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Pole dance is the toughest type of dance that requires not only coordination and flexibility, but remarkable strength in the arms, abs and other muscles. Acrobatics. Stretch marks. Soldier work. Expander in hand. And love. Because how can you endure all this if you do not like this activity?

The father left the family about a year after the birth of his daughter. Before that, we lived together for a year. For me, the departure of my husband was a real shock. There were no scandals in our family. But my husband just picked up and left. On Friday evening after work, he came home with a friend. A friend was waiting for him in the car. My husband came home and said he was leaving me. I started collecting things. I sat with my daughter on the couch and could not believe the reality of what was happening. I couldn't watch my husband shoveling his clothes into bags. I took my daughter and went with her to the kitchen. Just needed to feed the baby.

I decided to write here to convey to people not only my position, but also the position of many doctors. Many patients are sure that doctors are indifferent to human lives, feelings, suffering. As if the profession suppresses everything human in doctors and as if we are not capable of sympathy. This is not true.

Lived with my wife for 10 years. But a year ago, scandals began. As if we are fulfilling some kind of plan: every month we swear a couple of times. The last time is like this at all ... Take your wife, and tell me: "You can roll out of the family, but the children are not yours at all." If you don’t know how to make a person feel disgusting, then say that the children you love are not from him.

Good afternoon. I have been living in Australia for the last 5 years. I myself am from Ukraine. My hometown is Chernivtsi. For a long time I was looking for a country to move to. I think it’s worth telling what prompted me to move.

Firstly, I was looking for a country where I could raise children and be sure that tomorrow everything would not go to hell. Secondly, I just despaired of finding a normal job in Chernivtsi. Many of my friends went to work in neighboring Poland. I did not want to work around the clock in greenhouses or on some mushroom farm, and in the end get a little more than I would have earned in Ukraine.

At first I wanted to indicate the name and surname of my brother, but he did not allow it. It's embarrassing for him. So I will write like this. This story is primarily directed to people who believe that there will be nothing bright and good in their life.

She has lived all her life in the Voronezh region. Raised three children. Now I am 58 years old. It seems that I don’t feel like an old woman, I try not to attach importance to sores, chronic fatigue. But I feel that in just a few more years I will finally give up my positions.

My classmates used to call me Dilda in high school. At the age of 16, I already had a height of 195 cm. I did not play basketball or volleyball. Apparently, because of the good food or radiation, she waved such a thing. At first they called names on the sly, and then they openly called me a tall one. I couldn't stand my classmates. The tallest guy in our class did not even reach 190 cm.

All my life I worked on one large site. We used to have a print edition. Now only the sites remain.

Most of the people we have are in the state, but there are also remote workers (mostly designers, a system administrator and a few copywriters, they recently began to attract programmers). All remote workers work after the fact: they completed a certain amount of work at an agreed rate - at the end of the month we send money to an electronic wallet or card.

"Dude, how do you even live in Moscow?! I ran here along the street with all my might
forces, and everyone went faster than me ... "

Spring, the girls are blooming. I run, as usual, through the lobby
"Kievskaya-Filyovskaya" in the direction of the escalator to Koltsevaya. Before
a beautiful girl froze into the floor with a comb: mighty, like a well-groomed mare,
body, wheaten, thick in my hand, braid flowing below cast
hemispheres, a chintz sarafan and a handbag of post-war style...
While I was wondering which side to go around this model of the sculptor
Mukhina, a granny-cart fluttered out from behind me (always
wondered what force wears them faster than a healthy 40-year-old uncle) and
stuck to the maiden, they say, daughter, is it not bad for you, maybe
validolchik?
The young lady, with great difficulty tearing her glassy gaze from the floating from under
feet into the terrible depths of the steps, looked plaintively at her grandmother, and,
drawing out her words, she said in a lazy chest bass:
- Granny... I'm afraid...
Saved the girl in the end. I held the cart, and the grandmother was elusive, but
with a precise movement, she forced the beauty to step onto the marvelous staircase.

Russia is still alive, eh! :)

I’m going recently in a minibus, on a weekday evening, everyone is tired, traffic jams. Then a young mother comes in with her son 4-6 years old, they give her a place, she sits down, her son sits down on her knees. Here they go one, two, three stops, the boy examines everything around - the upholstery of the seats, the shop windows passing through the window, the tired faces of fellow travelers, his mother's bag ... But the space of the minibus is limited, and he repeats his "route" - the seats, passengers, the window , then raises his eyes to his mother, looks into her eyes and in a completely calm, I would even say, businesslike tone, says:
- So, mom, I'll start whining now.

During the summer I went to the cottage past an abandoned construction site.

There, homeless people broke old concrete slabs and took out rebar from there. Iron costs 6-8 rubles per kg. It's just hellish work for a penny. With such labor costs, you can earn much more. But they gradually dismantled the whole abandoned base of the structure 50 by 30 meters. What drives them? Free schedule or no tax deductions?

Talking on the phone:
“We need two girls for the evening, only beautiful ones, for 3 hours, how much will an hour cost? Yes, in suits, just like last time. Those who were there that week are not needed, they are somehow modest, but it is necessary that they actively give. If they give well, we will throw them on top. And definitely older than 18, but not old or fat. In heels, of course. We will eat and drink, of course. Payment immediately. Just post a photo first. We agreed with the security, everything is in order.

So our marketer orders promoters for an urgent action, walking along the corridor of the business center.

I've been burring since childhood. Everyone and always made fun of this - in kindergarten, classmates, classmates, girlfriends, parents, colleagues ...
I stoically endured everything. But when the letter "P" began to fall on my computer, I realized all the injustice of this world.

Hot water has been turned off since the beginning of the week. Due to my great laziness, I fell into the trouble of bothering with pots and heating water. And today, once again climbed into the bathroom and try to wash in cold water. I douse myself with water and yell, simultaneously puffing and groaning. I hear a neighbor's voice from the bottom floor: "Here you hear, a person washes in cold water and does not die. And you, like a peasant, are busy with your basins."

Bastard cat

I have a cat who lived to puberty and had a cat delivered to her. And the cat, although very preoccupied sexually, is still a virgin and does not know what to do with an equally virgin girlfriend. Either it will fit across it and twitch, then it strives to climb on its head (probably a Frenchman ...). He is so dissatisfied with the results of his attempts that their number has become minimal.

Here I am cleaning the room, and this couple finally reached some consensus and merged in ecstasy. I carry an armful of clothes and from this armful a belt stretches across the floor. Seeing this, the cat suddenly stops his honorable occupation and runs to play with the belt. The cat was SO surprised by the escape of the gentleman that for the first time in my life I saw a truly stunned look in an animal. Also, probably, I thought, what kind of bastards are men ...

A friend's cat with the name Auror began to mark under the table in the kitchen. And the cat is beloved, smart, offending - nothing. Bought a bottle of stink. Poured in the kitchen, helped. When the balloon ran out, Aurora was left empty under the table as a warning. Since then, when a smart cat considered himself offended by something, he came into the kitchen, yelled at the balloon, knocked it down with his paw and made a puddle in this place. There you are..!

Here, once again I came home late after another "workday".
I asked my wife how she was doing at work.
And I heard an enchanting phrase, completely consonant with my thoughts:
- Dear, if I tell you about all my problems today, and then you tell me about yours, then we will go to bed no earlier than three in the morning.

Love her.

I met a friend on the street. And he's just in the church a few
collected containers of holy water. We sit on a bench and talk. summer, heat,
Slowly drink some water. Just about to leave, coming to us
bukharik.
- Are you Russian people?
- And then!!!
- Maybe then a beer?
- No, they just drank a liter of holy water. We just have nowhere.

You should have seen his face!!! But it was clear that he did not believe us.

I went to my Spanish bank - to resolve all sorts of issues with my manager. Well, which SMS messages to send (this is not done through Internet banking, only with a manager), which credit cards to close (there is no point in using them in Spain) - in general, the usual routine. We talked for about twenty minutes in Spanish: I was at my best, I never even looked into the dictionary (s).

Everything has been decided, everything has been done, we say goodbye. The manager gets up, shakes my hand and says quite seriously in Spanish: "Alex, I've even begun to understand your Russian."

P.S. I immediately recall an old joke about a Parisian store where a sign hung: "Here they understand the French language that you learned at school."

I was told this story. I believe the narrator, while he is almost a participant. A new employee joined his organization. Still quite a young man, who retired from the army due to reduction. It is not known where he served there, but he began to master the computer in earnest already at this job. According to the narrator, he was a smart man and learned everything quickly. Once he showed him the possibility of viewing the photo series of streets and specific houses. But it's probably better if he didn't know. Soon it became known that he was divorcing his wife. It seems to be caught in treason. After everything happened, he himself told his teacher that the computer, specifically Yandex, was the cause. Looking at the photo row around his house, he saw a colleague standing in front of him with his wife at the entrance. That once had to do with his long business trip, where he stayed for more than two months.

The serious reason

I vouch for the truth.

Once drunk, the father-in-law, the director of the plant, told a completely terrible story. A worker comes to the chief engineer and asks to be allowed to go home. He naturally asks about the reason. The worker crumples, shrinks and says that it is very necessary. The engineer is not a vicious man, so he answers: "I'll let you go, but I need to indicate the reason for the absence in the documents." He: "I cut off my finger with a pair of pneumoscissors."

The engineer almost died on the spot - an accident at work. In short, an ambulance, nix to the skies, etc. When the peasant was discharged, a labor protection commission arrived at the plant. The equipment works fine - you need to press two buttons at the same time for the scissors to work, so there are no free hands left. They ask to show how he managed to cripple himself. He calmly supports one button with a stick (quite a common thing), lays down a sheet of metal and CUTS OFF HIS SECOND FINGER.

Later he swore that it was by accident, but the commission, having regained consciousness, closed the case.

Once we went to the country, it was light. Were stuck in a traffic jam. The car in front didn't have a stoplight. Two boys were sitting in the back seat, who, at the right moment, raised a cardboard box on which it was written "BRAKES". :)

At the beginning of the century, among the “golden youth”, there was a fashion at night on daddy’s Mercedes and Beamers to stray into caudles and smear rubber on the asphalt of deserted squares and final stops. Compared to masterful cinematic drifting, translating daddy's tires in front of chicks looked pathetic and very childish, but self-criticism has never been a strong suit of majors.

Yesterday I was walking from the last subway train in the direction of my wilderness. Absolutely empty street, bus turnaround area. On it ... I would like to say - silently, but no, of course - with a roar of the engine and sighs of the brakes, the KAMAZ sprinkler is dancing. Not a soul around, only two powerful fountains of water (both watering cans are raised vertically) sparkle with diamonds in the yellow light of lanterns, which sometimes break through clouds of diesel smoke. Uncle dances masterfully, I somehow even imagined an invisible partner, whom he leads under the waterfalls of his rain. (Kamasihu, yeah...)

I stood and looked for about five minutes. I lit up. Seeing the light of the lighter and me, the driver somehow shied away, plunged into a dull real. I got out of the cab, flipped the watering cans down and started cleaning the street...

There were no tire marks on the pavement. He glided across the water.
(Not mine. Found online)

FREUDIAN SLIP
In a car dealership, a citizen whose appearance is already quite ordinary for Moscow time - even now on a poster of an extremist organization banned in the Russian Federation. Next to the wife wrapped in a rug. Near the budget standard foreign cars are pushing. She is interested in the manager - Does she have SELF-DEPLOYMENT? About the remote start of the engine as it turned out it was.

WHERE LIPSTICK LEADS...
On Saturday evening, after coming home from work, the wife found traces of lipstick on her cup.
Asks me a question:
- Did we have guests?
- No, - I say, - there was no one.
I don't use this lipstick...
Word for word. Scandal and accusations of all mortal sins.
The next day, after conducting thorough inquiries, it turned out that the nine-year-old daughter found her mother's lipstick, bought long ago and now safely forgotten, and drank tea from her mother's mug.

I remember this day. October 1, 1990 Mom got me a ticket to the Crimea, and all September, the boys and I from all over our vast homeland tumbled into the sea. Everyone spoke Russian, even Vitalik Tsitsialashvilli from Navoi. Evpatoria, the sun, you know how to feed? Breakfast, second breakfast, afternoon snack, lunch, dinner, dinner. Every morning we went out in white shirts and pioneer ties to line up. To the anthem, the most distinguished raised the banner. This was spectacular! And then that day came ... October 1 ... We were awakened by the pioneers around 12 at night. Drunk. And they said that tomorrow there was no need to go to the line, the pioneers were no more. I was twelve, I thought more about the death of Tsoi than about the fact that this was the beginning of the end of a huge country. And that these guys from Kazakhstan or Georgia, who are standing next to me, will become foreigners in a year ... The next morning we came. To the line. In white shirts and red ties. They stood in silence for ten minutes. But the leaders did not come out, and no one raised the banner.

I temporarily live in Moscow and I had to take a taxi at night. I caught a private trader, drove a kilometer on the strength, I ask the price. He says: "1700 rubles." Well, of course I'm crazy!
I tell him:
- It's easier for me to throw you ...
And... woke up.
P.S. I’m lying, laughing: I threw it notably!

It was quite a long time ago, maybe now there is such a thing, but I have not seen it for a long time. I'm in a taxi, there's a huge puddle ahead. Along the puddle stands the punks, in boots, in jackets. The taxi driver accelerates. I told him:
- What the hell, you're gonna splatter the kids!
- Yes, they are standing here on purpose, waiting to be sprayed. They kind of have a game. It's not the first time I've been here.
We pass a puddle at speed, spray like from a hose. I look back. Judging by the behavior, no one is upset. I remembered my childhood: puddles, home-made rafts, "filled" boots, dirty water...
Now I’m thinking: maybe it’s better really like this, and not like now - to sit in front of a monitor on the Internet?

I can’t vouch for the authenticity of the story, her brother told from the words of friends.
They decided to go to a newfangled water park in the neighboring region. They scored his address in the navigator and drove off. When the navigation lady reported "You have arrived at your destination," the friends looked around in confusion. Around were only private buildings.
To the question of a passer-by, "Where is the water park," he somehow strangely nervously giggled and waved his hand towards the banner, on which it was written in huge letters "WATER PARK IS NOT HERE !!!"

Women's...
The traffic cop stops me.
- "The lieutenant is so-and-so. Why aren't you wearing your seat belt?"
- "Yes, I, mister policeman, just - just unfastened - fix the eggs."
A storm of emotions swept over the officer's face, the rights fell out of the hands of a body bent in half, which, going into a fit of hysterical laughter, trying to show, they say, drive faster.
For a long time I sincerely wondered why everyone was laughing at this story, but I really corrected the eggs lying in the back seat ...

After moving to Germany, many migrants from Kazakhstan have many good friends from work colleagues in their former homeland. My cousin and his wife helped their good friends for several years with money and parcels, supporting their existence. What was his surprise, or rather even shock, when his friends called and said that they were going to visit Germany in order to buy a Mercedes car. The car was supposed to be no older than 5 years and then cost from 5 to 7 thousand stamps.

An uncle came to other relatives with a list of things he wanted to buy in Germany, and next to each thing was the name of a relative who had to pay for the purchase.

At the airport in Frankfurt met the nephew of the daughter-in-law from Kazakhstan. He walked holding a small plastic bag in his hand, in which there was one toothbrush. It was all his luggage, which he took with him, and went to visit for a whole month, he didn’t even take his underpants with him.

I have a friend, a guy who is crazy and frostbitten at 100 - the preamble.

We are driving in my car around Kharkov, looking for a house under a specific number, and we are driving along the Poltava Way (who knows, he will understand) after the bridge there are cops, I think I’ll park and ask where the house number is such and such ... I slow down near the young cop and the other a little to the side and further down the street on the mobile to actively chatter ... well, I opened the passenger window and through Drula I ask like Where is this street where is this house ... he tries to explain something there, but moves out that the scary knows better ... the one who on the phone p ... dit ... we get to him and I don’t have time to ask so my friend gives it out the window - hear the captain, the young man has no change from a hundred, he looked in his pockets without ceasing to talk, took out a fifty kopeck, unfastened it, Dryulya I took it and we drove off ... then I drove around this road for a week ...

I don't even know if this is good or not.

I'm on the subway. Something female enters the car, but of a homeless appearance and a corresponding smell. Half the wagon shied away from her like the plague; a woman comes up to her, hands her a hundred and asks her to get out of the car. And then I came up with a business plan...

Dad came home from work, all cold. Feels unimportant. In connection with the commotion about the flu, I decided to take the temperature.
- 36.8. Oh, I'm the sickest person in the world. I need a jar of jam and a small bottle of cognac.

The first time I felt like a driver was not when I stopped drenched in cold sweat from the mere thought that over there, in the parking lot, a car was waiting for me.
And not when he began to put pressure on the brake while in the passenger seat.
And not even when he began to chuckle in the direction of "teapots" and "summer residents" and contemptuously call them "deer".
And I became a driver at the moment when I was stomping down the street on foot, I heard a noise from behind, quite mechanically looked up to look in the rear-view mirror and was shocked that there was no mirror in place.

As a child, I loved to lean on the lid of the secretary. My mother scolded me very much for this, because on top of the secretary was a beautiful tea set brought by my grandmother from Ashgabat. And then one day, while doing my homework, I once again leaned on my elbows. There was a terrible roar. Grandmother flew in, saw a broken service, grabbed me in an armful and ran out into the street. And only at the bottom she came to her senses that she was in Leningrad, and there was no earthquake here. Oh, and it hit me then! And in the evening, my mother added ...

I am a very calm person who rarely raises his voice. But there is one way that makes me scream - mirrors in a closed room from which there is no way out. My boyfriend decided to somehow play a trick on me, to make sure that I can raise my voice. One fine morning I woke up in a locked room with a dozen fairly large mirrors. He found me two hours later under the table in hysterics, the nightmares did not leave for several more months. The guy is no more.

I work in a movie theater for two. Usually loving couples come. Romance, films, delicious food, wine, kisses... But how enraged are those who cross the line of kisses and translate the matter into a horizontal plane. There is a camera, there is an announcement at the entrance, and so we tell the guests, but it’s a pity that not everyone gets it.

My husband and I decided to take a serious step - to adopt a child. The daughter of our distant relatives, the fire in the house, only she escaped. Immediately she was silent all the time, then she began to speak occasionally. But two years later it did not move forward. I dreamed that we would replace her family, but she is still cold. I don't blame anyone, but this is so bittersweet.

I recently cheated on my husband because he is a fucking workaholic, and we had our last sex a year and a half ago. I love him so much, but I couldn't resist. I went to the city to a friend, went to a club and slept with a guy whose name I don’t even know. He fucked my soul out of me, and I returned home happy, to which my husband offered to visit her more often. On the one hand, she finally felt herself a desirable girl, and on the other hand, cats scratched her heart.

Grandma and Grandpa met in the park when Grandma ran headlong home, covering herself from the pouring rain with her hands. She accidentally bumped into him, knocking him off his feet. Mom and dad found out about each other at the school disco when mom accidentally bumped into dad, knocking him to the floor, falling on top of him to the tune of "slow" to the tune. And I found my love in the garbage, when, without looking, I threw a bag of garbage into a barrel, and accidentally hit a guy, knocking him down and dropping him right into the trash. But found.

A year and a half ago I was hit by a car. As a result, a spinal injury, a wheelchair. My husband supported me as best he could, blowing dust particles away. Recently, doctors said that it is possible to undergo surgery, the chance is 50/50 that I will be able to walk again, but the condition may worsen. My husband, with tears in his eyes, begged me not to risk it, he would take care of me. I really started to fear intervention. And then my tablet broke, I took my husband’s laptop and found a bunch of disabled porn there. I will be operated on soon.

I have a strange mania for making up dialogues for various pieces of furniture. So I was sitting in line at the clinic, a woman pulls the handle of the office, the door is closed, and I immediately imagine a dialogue between two doors: - Oh, what are you pulling, tear off! Can't you see? Closed! No, did you see? She pulls here! Give me more polish on the handle erase! - Mdaa, here people go! They kick, they clap. Mom told me, go to paper ...

I often choose music for performances. This is a laborious process, you can sit for several days and listen-listen-listen until the notes that catch you slip through a bunch of music that starts to seem the same. And how many incredible melodies found along the way are now in my piggy bank and are waiting in the wings! I want to have the opportunity to show all the images that this music draws.

I have a tooth scar on my tongue. According to my parents, when I was two years old, I was sitting on a chair, and my older brother pushed him, I fell, hit my head on the battery and bit my tongue. Parents thought that it would grow together, so they did not sew it up. As a child, a friend called this scar a pocket, since a piece of skin can be pushed back with your teeth and you can see the indentation. Priceless is the expression on the face of the people to whom I tell this story and, in conclusion, show my tongue!

My grandmother is 84. She has beautiful makeup, hair, dress and high heels. She has a husband who is 17 years younger, who loves her to the point of madness. She runs in the morning on the balcony on the treadmill, cooks awesome, sings great and sews amazing clothes to order. And I just want to be like her, at least at 70 years old, and not like at 80 and a half!

No matter how much I get to know people, every time with amazing skill I manage to spoil the attitude towards myself. Because... Apparently, I do not understand the personal facet of each person. A careless action or a word - the relationship becomes strained, and they themselves are already like strangers. I don't even know how many times I've seen this in my life. People with whom, it seemed, he could communicate about anything and constantly, now barely exchange a couple of phrases ...

They put a heart defect, we have to fly for an operation. And then a friend says that it is expensive to deliver the body, and many people bring ashes back in urns. The positive disappeared, I saw how my husband was looking for the delivery of the body. She said how she spat ... I feel sorry for my loved ones - they are worried, and I myself became scared. We are realists, but here it is hard and scary.

In life, I am a gray mouse. But after sex I become prettier. The eyes shine, the lips become slightly plump and bright, the skin turns beautifully pale, the cheeks are pink. I even learned how to use it: if I had to attend an event, I made love before it, it helped more than makeup. I did not take into account only one thing, that this feature was noticed not only by me, but also by my beloved husband. My ex-beloved husband, who burned me beautiful after work.

I moved into the apartment where my friends had lived before. From their stories: they fucked on the table and made as much noise as possible, for which all the neighbors hated them. On the first evening at about 10, I decided to move the closet a little. Five minutes later, all the grandmothers of the world leaned out, shouting that I was a whore and arranging orgies, another half an hour later two policemen arrived. When they saw me in pajamas and my cat, who had crap himself from knocking on the door, they apologized for a long time, and then for another half an hour they reprimanded the neighbors on the stairs.

I never liked visiting my grandmother. They came once a year with the whole family for a couple of days, and the trash began. A booze with moonshine and a massacre, in which my grandmother and her sons participated, and after that she tried to enlighten the 7-9-year-old me about sex in all the vile details. In another argument, when she pulled up her skirt and showed me where to go, I found out that she did not wear underwear either. It’s a pity that I didn’t recognize another grandmother - she died when I was a year old (

Recently I came across a series about Katya Pushkareva. My God, then her image seemed terrible, and today she is downright in the trend, but everyone who was in style looks like a klucker. What a strange thing - fashion!

When the war began, my grandfather went to the front, and my grandmother and her four-year-old daughter left for evacuation. We lived hard, there was not enough food, my daughter was very sick. Grandmother was a beauty, and an officer in a high rank looked after her, brought stew, butter, chocolate. And she gave in. The girl on a good diet quickly recovered. When my grandfather returned from the war, my grandmother immediately confessed to him. He smoked, paused and said: "Thank you for saving my daughter." They lived 55 years together, and he never reproached her with a word.

I can't stand cash coins. Seeing them immediately makes me sick. As a child, there was a habit - to collect a change around the house and stuff it into your mouth. Years have passed, the habit has gone, but only now I understand that it was disgusting.

I hate this spring, because it's impossible to keep your eyes down on your phone! You get into the minibus after the street, bend over the phone, and the snot flows down so treacherously ...

For a long time in the office I picked out huge boogers and sculpted them at the table. I kept thinking that I would take it off. While I was on vacation, we moved to another office, the boss sat there. It's embarrassing to go back to work

As a child, I was afraid of old people because it seemed to me that they would steal my youth in order to prolong their lives. And because I was a sweet child, they often took me on their knees in crowded vehicles. Moments of horror.

My husband works in an agricultural company - he plows the fields and carries the crops. He drives a tractor at work, and when we get bored at home, he asks: "How much is 150 + 150?" I say: "300", - and I go to suck the tractor driver)

Before each flight, of which there are not so many, I put a status from the series "life is so short" or I make a post with the song "If I die young". If suddenly I die in a plane crash, then everyone will go to my page and think that I had a premonition of my death. I suffer from aerophobia.

From childhood, my father beat me and tormented me mentally until I left home. Now I live abroad and we communicate occasionally in the messenger. Somehow, telling him a story, she cursed. Dad took out the whole brain that I do not respect him, because "I cursed in front of him." And that if I continue to swear, he will stop communicating with me. And I really thought about the fact that I do not respect him and that if he stops communicating with me, I will not be very upset.

Recently I heard from friends who have a month-old child that, they say, it's time to baptize the child. She casually asked if they had read the Bible (no); do they even know "Our Father" (also not); What time was Jesus baptized and was he baptized at all? The last question drove them to a dead end. Then I asked why to baptize such a crumb. The answer was ingenious: "Well, wow, we're kind of Orthodox..." Orthodox, who didn't even hold the Bible in their hands, but wear a cross as an ornament. Infuriates!

Grandma always scolds me when she sees HOW I peel potatoes. He says that during the war, my cleanings could feed the whole village.

She was returning home from the store. The five-year-old daughter ran into the elevator, I drag the bags behind. And then someone calls the elevator, I do not have time. The doors close and I hear my daughter's scream as she rides upstairs. I drop my bags, rush around the floors, trying to figure out where the scream is coming from. She ran to the seventh. You should have seen the face of the man who was waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened, there was a little crying angry girl in front of him, who ran into him, yelling at the bass of a healthy man: "Where is my mother?! Answer!"

I define men by their ass. Rounded chubby asses or loose hips, more like a woman's - most likely, he is lazy, and he may also be cunning or a sissy. How many times did it match!

I started dating a 19-year-old girl who smokes, drinks and doesn't mind earning extra money for blowjobs. He wanted to put her on the right path, moved in with her, got a better paying job to support her and her mother. As a result, for three years he almost drank himself, and twice they wanted to plant him. Dropped and left. Fuck this charity. Occasionally we talk as friends. I don't regret what I did, and I'm not going to repeat it. I don't drink at all, I'm 27.